I Won The Islamic Lottery

WTF???

According to some spam mail I received today, I won the Islamic Lottery (by way of Jordan and Thailand --??) entitling me to $500,000. (If you don't believe me, I'll forward you the e-mail.) Isn't a lottery (as a form of gambling) anti-Islamic? Why they sending it to me?

On a lighter note, I had a mammogram today for the first time. (Medical Week continues.) I've heard all kinds of awful stuff about having a mammogram. I don't know what the big deal is. Maybe if you have small ones, it hurts more? I dunno. I made jokes all the way through. (I crack jokes when I'm nervous or in pain.) Usually the techs are laughing so hard that they can't properly perform their jobs. Why would a woman want to undertake a career that would have her touching other women's breasts all day long? Just a random thought. There was nothing hinky about it.

I'm going Mercedes shopping this weekend. That will make me happy. THAT is a plan! Me thinks black....

Summer Madness

I have been totally bored off my azz lately. It isn’t even funny. The Romanian blames ME for us having a boring life. She loves plans, so I’m always supposed to come up with one that sounds exciting – even though we always do the same damn thing every damn weekend. And THEN… we can go to…. And THEN we can go to … It is like reading the same bedtime story to a 4 year old over and over and over again.

This past week was Medical Week. I have been putting off getting all my checkups done for waaaay too long, so I figured, ‘whatdahey’ and got everything done: like multiple fibrosomething cauterization (having little skin things burned off). Let me just tell you – there is NOTHING like the smell of your own skin burning. Mmmmm. Just like being at a barbeque, only its YOU. I look like I got into a train wreck. Slapperella was sitting in front of me at lunch (with Olive and his cousin visiting from Sauuuuuudia) mouthing the word, “whore” over and over again because it appears as though I have a long love bite on my neck (which I’m not allowed to cover with make-up because it is really a burn).

My friends love me.

I also went to the new OB/GYN/infertility specialist at Mowasat. Wow. He is a great guy and takes time to explain things (I love pillow talk). Just the opposite of the other guy previously at the hospital; and was a wham-bam-thank-you-mam kind of doctor. Even if I am paying some guy to poke me, I want him to talk to me.

I have been on a camels milk trip for the past several weeks. I’ve always had stomach problems and this stuff is really helping me a lot. I felt noticeably different. I’ve got a “bedu delivery service” that brings it to me. It is kind of like drinking white paint – really thick (don’t EVEN go there! It is FOOD! Haram!) I know Purg is going to be all over this (so to speak). Food item!!!! Food item!!!!

One more month till vacation. I don’t even know what I will do with myself with that much free time. I have been in hyper-drive since last September. My job is really stressful.

I saw a guy at a meeting last week who was tall and extremely gorgeous and was making eyes at me and I was making eyes at him. When he gave me his card, I recognized his name from somewhere. I still don’t know where. I am planning to call him and say something incredibly corny like, “I remember where I saw you…. In my dreams….” Isn’t that pathetic? Gets ‘em every time. (Then, I’m going to invite him over for some camels milk. Naw – just kidding.)

Anyhoo, I definitely know in advance that he is not Shemmari because every Shammar man on the continent seems to be finding me lately. Why? You may ask… I have no clue. I am a Shammar magnet. My friends laugh about it. We could be out anywhere, and one will find me. I don’t know. The other day, I was at H&M and one appeared out of nowhere behind me with that grin… too ironic. The Romanian turns to me and says, “Shammar?” Well, whatdayaknow! Even the guys who I don’t initially believe to be Shammar turn out to be Shammar. They can give me any other name and they’ll turn out Shammar. Sanaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees ya gulbi!

Commercial Facilities - "No Guarantor"

Bobarino went into Commercial Facilities Company - after seeing their advertisement offering Expat Loans up to 15 times your salary with no guarantor (Says so right on their website). He only applied for 3 times his salary and he was told he needs a Kuwaiti guarantor, as they have had problems in the past. He asked why it was advertised everywhere as "no guarantor". He was told that it was "marketing". Yeah - as in FALSE advertising. This is all heresay, of course, as it didn't happen to me. I am planning to go in and apply for a loan with them to see what happens to me personally. Has anyone had a bad experience there?

He decided to try NBK which he said offered AMAZING service. We both had bad experiences in the past with NBK after leaving PWC, but he said that he couldn't believe the quick turn around on his loan request. They even called him and said, "The money is in the bank, Mr. (Bobarino)".

I Dated Bob's Big Boy

He (Kuwaiti blind date with pasty white skin, black comb-over) looked like this - only way taller and without the tummy. Bob's Big Boy lusted after me. Had he been carrying the tray with the enormous hamburger, I might have re-considered.

He had the same "Desert Girl, I'm going to put my Big Boy hands all over you...." expression on his face.

I have officially hit rock bottom.