MPs eye law change to control female ‘beach-wear ... behavior’
Making waves
Arab Times
KUWAIT CITY, Nov. 29: Islamist MPs on Monday condemned what they say is a noticeable increase in indecent behavior perpetrated by women along the coast of Kuwait. They suggested an additional article to the penal code, allowing coast guards or men to take the necessary actions in order to maintain public order and moral respect.
Members of the Development and Reformation Bloc, MPs Dr Waleed Al-Tabtabaei, Falah Al-Sawagh, Jamaan Al-Harbash and Faisal Al-Muslim as well as MP Khalid Sultan said that women are currently wearing indecent clothing, acting immorally, committing immoral acts.
They added that they have also noticed women getting romantically involved with the opposite gender and singing and dancing in public as well as accompanying their pet dogs to the beaches along the coastal areas of the country.
According to the MPs, they’ve submitted the new amendment to the law in order to prohibit women beachgoers, whether on the main shore or on territorial islands and on beach areas assigned for women, from wearing inappropriate swimsuits, nudity, revealing the chest area and immodest behavior.
Violation of the law is punishable by either imprisonment for a period not exceeding one year or a fine not exceeding KD 1,000 or both.
Liberal MP Dr Aseel Al-Awadhi opposed the suggested law, which fails to touch upon the moral conduct of men and their manner of clothing, saying that it is in clear violation of the Constitution as it intervenes in the personal freedoms of individuals. It imposes an unacceptable guardianship on the people of Kuwait, she added.
“The bill is worded loosely and does not include the MPs recommendations of appropriate swim attire. It could be misused and will contradict personal freedoms allowed by the Constitution,” Al-Awadhi said.
--- end ----
"They added that they have also noticed women getting romantically involved with the opposite gender and singing and dancing in public as well as accompanying their pet dogs to the beaches along the coastal areas of the country."
1) Would they prefer that women get romatically involved with members of the SAME gender? This makes no mention if they are single or married.
2) "Accomopanying their pet dogs...". Oh, so I am REALLY immoral. I do that all the time. Would they prefer that we walk goats or sheep? Since when does walking your dog become immoral behavior???
WTF dudes! Why don't we blast Kuwait back several thousand years? I have a novel idea: why don't we track the behavior of MPs? For example - credit card purchases and travel to say..... Phuket....
Why are women being singled out for behavior? Has anyone taken a look at the behavoir of the male population? It's a domestic issue or it's just boys being boys.Why not publish NAMES AND PHOTOS of "eveteasers" (of all ages) - and especially those that lead to traffic fatalities?
Seriously, aren't there more important issues to address in Kuwait?
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Camera Ban - by Amer Al-Hilal
This is a re-print from my friend, Amer Al-Hilal, who shares the same confusion as I do as to where this country that we love is headed....
I took a few pics of the sunset this weekend with my mobile phone and I was worried that the CID would jump out of the bushes with the handcuffs. (When my own CID man refuses to use them for "recreational" purposes....)
Camera ban regressive idea ‘Don’t stifle home-grown talent’
For a country that possesses a Constitution which safeguards civil liberties and freedom of speech, Kuwait sporadically sure likes toying with those liberties such as tentatively banning the Blackberry service, shutting down You Tube, impeding public gatherings and marches, banning and censoring books, literature, films and magazines which are available elsewhere in the Gulf.
This week according to media reports, and highlighted extensively in local Weblogs and Twitter, a palpable growing outcry is directed at the tentative plans by The Ministry of Information, Ministry of Social Affairs and Ministry of Finance to outlaw public photography and relegate it to journalism purposes only. This has allegedly resulted in the ban of Digital Single Lens Reflex Cameras (DSLRs) in public places. If this charade is true, then it bodes ill for this country, another regressive move into the annals of ignorance.
During the 1980s video cameras and photographic equipment were also shunned by the authorities. I remember visiting Failaka in 1985 and being confronted by a military officer who demanded I hand in my bulky video camera until I left the island. These types of infringements in the name of security were insignificant — we still had an attempt on HH the Amir, explosions at Foreign Embassies in Kuwait and an actual invasion.
Why does this country always attempt to stifle home-grown talent? Banning cameras in public places is demoralizing to all the passionate, talented young Kuwait men and women who have excelled in this field and love their hobby, not to mention visitors who attempt to document their travels here. Moreover, banning DSLR cameras is irrational and counterproductive if you think about it; in this day and age of iPhones, Blackberries, 5 MP plus camera phones, Google Earth and the like, anyone can take photograph of anything, quietly, without fanfare, which makes the potential DSLR ban even more preposterous.
I have just returned from a trip to Dubai where I witnessed dozens of tourists proudly using their cameras to document Burg Khalifa and the other picturesque locations. No one stopped them, impeded them or asked them what they were doing and you know why, because they respect people’s rights and are intent on making their country more appealing. UAE is able to manage security matters confidently because they have proper security and ID processes in place: eye scanners at airports and entry points, proper electronic government, high fines for breaking the law, a brilliant CCTV system in place in every street corner (not the shoddy black and white choppy, streaming-like quality of the limited equipment we have here) — they truly invest in their infrastructure, maintain it and upgrade it.
If Kuwait is serious about its security then it should invest in the same caliber of CCTV and not the bargain basement tenders that usually go towards ineffective systems (i.e. Highway signs with the useless ‘no mobile’ plasma screen) belonging to members of the matching ministry who want a ‘piece of the action’. The sad reality is the government sector here would rather ban something than actually strive to improve it through sheer hard work and effective processes. It’s just easier to ban; a question of laziness and neglect.
Needless to say, Kuwait seems unfazed when foreign jets infiltrate our airspace and take aerial shots of our oil refineries and military installations, or when agents and their local conspirators are found to possess blueprints and photographs of said installations, but no, lets go after the ‘little guy’, the amateur photographer or tourist on the street taking pictures. It’s a hypocritical, spineless action by the authorities.
Moreover, I suspect the issue is not just relegated to security, a myriad of reasons could have led to the support of this ban, fundamentalists who felt cameras and pictures are a ‘Tool of the Devil,’ government officials and ministries disgraced at seeing shots of Kuwait’s dilapidated infrastructure, environment and mismanagement on weblogs, internet forums and magazines. You cannot conceal the squalid side of Kuwait; it is there for everyone to see.
Furthermore, this law against public photography will not be enforced, just as seatbelt, no mobile while driving, no litter, no smoking areas, and other ‘laws’ cannot be enforced in this Land of Confusion.
I took a few pics of the sunset this weekend with my mobile phone and I was worried that the CID would jump out of the bushes with the handcuffs. (When my own CID man refuses to use them for "recreational" purposes....)
Camera ban regressive idea ‘Don’t stifle home-grown talent’
For a country that possesses a Constitution which safeguards civil liberties and freedom of speech, Kuwait sporadically sure likes toying with those liberties such as tentatively banning the Blackberry service, shutting down You Tube, impeding public gatherings and marches, banning and censoring books, literature, films and magazines which are available elsewhere in the Gulf.
This week according to media reports, and highlighted extensively in local Weblogs and Twitter, a palpable growing outcry is directed at the tentative plans by The Ministry of Information, Ministry of Social Affairs and Ministry of Finance to outlaw public photography and relegate it to journalism purposes only. This has allegedly resulted in the ban of Digital Single Lens Reflex Cameras (DSLRs) in public places. If this charade is true, then it bodes ill for this country, another regressive move into the annals of ignorance.
During the 1980s video cameras and photographic equipment were also shunned by the authorities. I remember visiting Failaka in 1985 and being confronted by a military officer who demanded I hand in my bulky video camera until I left the island. These types of infringements in the name of security were insignificant — we still had an attempt on HH the Amir, explosions at Foreign Embassies in Kuwait and an actual invasion.
Why does this country always attempt to stifle home-grown talent? Banning cameras in public places is demoralizing to all the passionate, talented young Kuwait men and women who have excelled in this field and love their hobby, not to mention visitors who attempt to document their travels here. Moreover, banning DSLR cameras is irrational and counterproductive if you think about it; in this day and age of iPhones, Blackberries, 5 MP plus camera phones, Google Earth and the like, anyone can take photograph of anything, quietly, without fanfare, which makes the potential DSLR ban even more preposterous.
I have just returned from a trip to Dubai where I witnessed dozens of tourists proudly using their cameras to document Burg Khalifa and the other picturesque locations. No one stopped them, impeded them or asked them what they were doing and you know why, because they respect people’s rights and are intent on making their country more appealing. UAE is able to manage security matters confidently because they have proper security and ID processes in place: eye scanners at airports and entry points, proper electronic government, high fines for breaking the law, a brilliant CCTV system in place in every street corner (not the shoddy black and white choppy, streaming-like quality of the limited equipment we have here) — they truly invest in their infrastructure, maintain it and upgrade it.
If Kuwait is serious about its security then it should invest in the same caliber of CCTV and not the bargain basement tenders that usually go towards ineffective systems (i.e. Highway signs with the useless ‘no mobile’ plasma screen) belonging to members of the matching ministry who want a ‘piece of the action’. The sad reality is the government sector here would rather ban something than actually strive to improve it through sheer hard work and effective processes. It’s just easier to ban; a question of laziness and neglect.
Needless to say, Kuwait seems unfazed when foreign jets infiltrate our airspace and take aerial shots of our oil refineries and military installations, or when agents and their local conspirators are found to possess blueprints and photographs of said installations, but no, lets go after the ‘little guy’, the amateur photographer or tourist on the street taking pictures. It’s a hypocritical, spineless action by the authorities.
Moreover, I suspect the issue is not just relegated to security, a myriad of reasons could have led to the support of this ban, fundamentalists who felt cameras and pictures are a ‘Tool of the Devil,’ government officials and ministries disgraced at seeing shots of Kuwait’s dilapidated infrastructure, environment and mismanagement on weblogs, internet forums and magazines. You cannot conceal the squalid side of Kuwait; it is there for everyone to see.
Furthermore, this law against public photography will not be enforced, just as seatbelt, no mobile while driving, no litter, no smoking areas, and other ‘laws’ cannot be enforced in this Land of Confusion.
Real Christmas Trees for Sale in Kuwait
Ok... read my comments.... Now I'm just fired up.
So, one of my friends is looking for firewood and was thinking of importing a few cords. If you would like your real tree picked up after Christmas, write to me. It will be recycled.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Don't piss off a Trannie
Al Watan Daily
November 24, 2010
Transvestite’s anger: Police have arrested a transvestite for attacking two Syrians with a sword at an unidentified location, reports Al-Watan Arabic daily.
According to reports the suspect was smoking a cigarette in the balcony of his home but the ash from the cigarette fell on the Syrians who were below and they verbally abused the accused.
The enraged transvestite reportedly attacked the Syrians with a sword and chopped off the hand of one man and stabbed the other in the back. The victims have been admitted to a hospital and the suspect has been arrested by the police.
- End -
November 24, 2010
This story falls under the category of, "Don't get Desert Girl started." Sadly, alas, it has started....
Here’s what Desert Girl wants to know:- How did they know he/she was a trannie? (Please make specific reference in future stories)
- What nationality was the lady in question?
- Maybe the Syrians were looking up her skirt at the time....
- What does being a trannie have to do with the story?
- What kind of cigarette was she smoking? Crack?
- Dude(ette), a sword? A sword? Really? Why so angry?
- Was she dressed as Lorena Bobbitt and just miss the target?
Morale of the story: Don’t piss off a drag queen when she’s enjoying her cigarette.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Animal rights group criticizes treatment of sheep during Eid-Al-Adha
Al Watan Daily Online
Animal rights group criticizes treatment of sheep during Eid-Al-Adha
Novembert 21, 2010
This photograph taken by Animals Australia depicts three Australian sheep loaded in the boot of a car in Kuwait for sacrifice during Eid-Al-Adha on Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2010.
KUWAIT: Animals Australia called on Australian Prime Minister Gillard to ban the live export trade to the Middle East after investigators documented shocking new evidence of brutality to Australian sheep, in a report published on its Web site on Wednesday.
Animals Australia investigators were in Kuwait and Bahrain for the three day Eid-Al-Adha (Festival of Sacrifice - marking when God intervened to stop Abraham from sacrificing his son) during which millions of animals are sacrificed as part of religious celebrations.
According to the report, footage and photographs obtained in Kuwait and Bahrain showed terrified Australian sheep being manhandled, trussed, thrown, shoved into car boots and lying across the bodies of other bloodied dying sheep on roadsides, before having their throats cut whilst fully conscious. In one incident in Kuwait, three Australian sheep were forced into a boot whilst another terrified animal purchased for sacrifice was transported to a private premises chained by his neck to the winch of a tow truck.
Animals Australia investigator Lyn White who travelled to Kuwait said, "It is unconscionable and immoral that Australia's live export industry provides animals for this festival knowing full well the mammoth scale of cruelty that occurs each year. Animals Australia has previously proposed that at the very least this industry enter into agreements with importers to stop the on selling of sheep to private buyers, but even this small step to protect the welfare of sheep was refused."
She added, "In 2008 the live sheep trade was banned to Egypt following evidence of brutal treatment which is exactly the same as what we have again documented yesterday in Kuwait -the largest destination for Australian sheep. If the treatment that Australian sheep received in Egypt was unacceptable enough to ban the trade, then a similar ban needs to be implemented in case of Kuwait."
Australia has exported tens of millions of sheep to Kuwait for over three decades. The treatment of animals documented by Animals Australia investigators exposes the false claims of the live export industry that by being present in the region they can change attitudes towards animals.
White went on to say, "The live export industry knows better than most the mammoth cruelty that is inflicted on millions of animals from many nations during Eid Al-Adha. This treatment of animals continues despite it being in conflict with Islamic teachings."
Animals Australia will also be meeting with Dairy Australia after investigators filmed the shocking extended slaughter of two young dairy bulls - one on a street in Kuwait and the other in a carpentry workshop.
"Australia has exported dairy heifers to Kuwait every year over the past decade. There is every likelihood that these animals were the progeny of Australian dairy cattle," White pointed out.
"We will be ensuring that Prime Minister Gillard receives a full copy of the evidence investigators have obtained. No one who cares about animal welfare can condone the barbaric treatment of animals that occurs during this festival. Our government has a duty to protect Australian animals from being brutalized. Refusing to supply animals citing animal welfare concerns will provide a much needed wakeup call that will reverberate through all levels of society and set a precedent that animals and their welfare matters." concluded White.
--- end ---
You know - people wonder why the price of lamb has risen to a staggering 120kd ($427) per lamb this year. Do you think it is going to get any better if countries like Australia ban the import of live sheep because of issues of inhumane treatment.
If you think the meat you're eating is hilal - it aint always so. Animals are not supposed to see other animals die or wallow in blood or be treated cruelly prior to slaughter. PETA has extensive video footage of slaughter houses in Kuwait. It aint pretty.
Animal rights group criticizes treatment of sheep during Eid-Al-Adha
Novembert 21, 2010
This photograph taken by Animals Australia depicts three Australian sheep loaded in the boot of a car in Kuwait for sacrifice during Eid-Al-Adha on Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2010.
KUWAIT: Animals Australia called on Australian Prime Minister Gillard to ban the live export trade to the Middle East after investigators documented shocking new evidence of brutality to Australian sheep, in a report published on its Web site on Wednesday.
Animals Australia investigators were in Kuwait and Bahrain for the three day Eid-Al-Adha (Festival of Sacrifice - marking when God intervened to stop Abraham from sacrificing his son) during which millions of animals are sacrificed as part of religious celebrations.
According to the report, footage and photographs obtained in Kuwait and Bahrain showed terrified Australian sheep being manhandled, trussed, thrown, shoved into car boots and lying across the bodies of other bloodied dying sheep on roadsides, before having their throats cut whilst fully conscious. In one incident in Kuwait, three Australian sheep were forced into a boot whilst another terrified animal purchased for sacrifice was transported to a private premises chained by his neck to the winch of a tow truck.
Animals Australia investigator Lyn White who travelled to Kuwait said, "It is unconscionable and immoral that Australia's live export industry provides animals for this festival knowing full well the mammoth scale of cruelty that occurs each year. Animals Australia has previously proposed that at the very least this industry enter into agreements with importers to stop the on selling of sheep to private buyers, but even this small step to protect the welfare of sheep was refused."
She added, "In 2008 the live sheep trade was banned to Egypt following evidence of brutal treatment which is exactly the same as what we have again documented yesterday in Kuwait -the largest destination for Australian sheep. If the treatment that Australian sheep received in Egypt was unacceptable enough to ban the trade, then a similar ban needs to be implemented in case of Kuwait."
Australia has exported tens of millions of sheep to Kuwait for over three decades. The treatment of animals documented by Animals Australia investigators exposes the false claims of the live export industry that by being present in the region they can change attitudes towards animals.
White went on to say, "The live export industry knows better than most the mammoth cruelty that is inflicted on millions of animals from many nations during Eid Al-Adha. This treatment of animals continues despite it being in conflict with Islamic teachings."
Animals Australia will also be meeting with Dairy Australia after investigators filmed the shocking extended slaughter of two young dairy bulls - one on a street in Kuwait and the other in a carpentry workshop.
"Australia has exported dairy heifers to Kuwait every year over the past decade. There is every likelihood that these animals were the progeny of Australian dairy cattle," White pointed out.
"We will be ensuring that Prime Minister Gillard receives a full copy of the evidence investigators have obtained. No one who cares about animal welfare can condone the barbaric treatment of animals that occurs during this festival. Our government has a duty to protect Australian animals from being brutalized. Refusing to supply animals citing animal welfare concerns will provide a much needed wakeup call that will reverberate through all levels of society and set a precedent that animals and their welfare matters." concluded White.
--- end ---
You know - people wonder why the price of lamb has risen to a staggering 120kd ($427) per lamb this year. Do you think it is going to get any better if countries like Australia ban the import of live sheep because of issues of inhumane treatment.
If you think the meat you're eating is hilal - it aint always so. Animals are not supposed to see other animals die or wallow in blood or be treated cruelly prior to slaughter. PETA has extensive video footage of slaughter houses in Kuwait. It aint pretty.
10 days of Eid holiday rocked - now I need a vacation!
I'm tired from my vacation.
Slaps and I went to LOL (Lady of Leisure - henceforth and herewith to be called "Spanx") for burgers (yes, there is a theme) one night and met her German neighbors. Really fun teaching people what "booty call" means - especially over a concoction made from coffee and some kind of herbs. Tastes like Draino going down and burns all the way. I've been meeting a lot of German people lately or people with ties to Germany. Me likes. It gives me an opportunity to practice my German: 'Yaaaa. Achtung. Farfenugen. Strudel. Volkswagon! Yaaa. October fest!'
Bunny's daughter got married on Wednesday. Slaps, LOL, Butterfly and I went. We were trying to be respectful, so we went to buy abayas. It was a Bedouin wedding and we were already going to stick out, so we tried to at least blend in a little (okay not really, but we were trying to be respectful to our hosts). Trying on abayas with a bunch of crazy foreign women is just plain fun. None of us wanted to get a ho-baya (the kind that fits tight across the T&A) because well.... that would be wrong. The Pakistani dudes were a great audience and very helpful. Personally, I don't believe that Lady of Leisure will ever get out of her PJ's now; she'll just throw on the abaya and off she'll go to the store or where ever. I already know that Slaps plans the same thing. I'm pretty sure that both Butterfly and LOL are going back to the store to buy niqabs. They were totally into it (what HAVE I done?)
So, we went to Butterfly's house to prep... for four hours (which apparently was NOT enough time because Butterfly was still doing LOL's hair in the back of my Envoy driving down Fahaheel Expressway at 140 kph with the windows open to avoid suffocation from the fumes of the hair spray). Yes yes, we were quite a vision to the other cars. Anyhoo, Butterfly did an amazing job at hair and make-up through a lot of noise and confusion. We got dressed at her place too and 2 pizzas and several bottles later, it was really difficult to get into Spankx (mission accomplished).
Spanx are an essential wedding accessory in any country. We all wore them except Slaps who said that she doesn't do pain for beauty. Bullshit. I've seen your shoes. I know your pain. Slaps doesn't need Spanx, but then neither does LOL who is the same size. Unfortunately, Spanx roll and it really isn't very funny at all when they do. The Spanx Roll is a dangerous and humiliating time.
We arrived very late (and very giggly) at the hall, just when the beautiful bride was about to make her entrance. The ladies couldn't have been nicer to us. It was like we were the guests of honor. Everyone spoke to us and asked us who we were with and were incredibly kind. Bunny's cousin (one of the eldest ladies at the wedding) took LOL by the arm and danced with her throughout the night. They were extremely gracious.
Fruit juice really takes the edge off dancing at these weddings. LOL, Slaps, and Butterfly immediately ran up and started dancing - with 'tude - as if they had been going to Kuwaiti weddings their whole lives. I don't dance. Dunno why, but something along the way has taken the life out of my dancing legs and I can't seem to get it back. My dancing mojo has been stolen. Anyhoo, the girls had a great time and lots of people danced with them. Usually, some woman will see me sitting alone and practically pull me to the dance floor, so I have my stock excuse ready, 'I'm pregnant,' and they leave me alone. "Oh! Fee bay-beee?" Works like a charm.
The hall was really pretty; everything was done in white and navy blue and the lighting system was fantastic. I don't know who did their decor, but it was very nice. The only thing I didn't like was the hall's bathrooms (but that can be said of a lot of places). Attending large weddings is like going to sporting events; if at all possible, you want to avoid the bathrooms. This was really bad. You can't police everybody and there is always going to be some creature who shocks the heck out of you. At one point, LOL and I pulled up our dresses and grabbed mops to try to clear some of the water in the stalls. People gave us the thumbs up. I felt like I should high-five some of them. Oh well. Unless you bring in your own cleaning crew (with a strict supervisor), it will get dirty.
We took lots of pictures before and after the event, but Kuwaiti families are getting really strict about bringing cameras into weddings. Apparently, photos have been posted on the internet or sent around and with the hejab/modesty issue, no one wants that. I wish I could show my friends/family back home what the weddings here are like; however. They are so different from US traditions and the dresses, hair and make-up are amazing. Someday, I'm going to figure out a way to bring in a spy camera (and just show photos to my FEMALE friends/family). As it was, Bunny's family had hired Camera Nazis to go through bags and look for cameras or camera phones. Those girls weren't playin.
White body make-up is still in fashion at weddings here. I thought if I waited for a while to attend a wedding the fad might have died, but noooooooo.... still white. It looks fine if the girl is dressed up in a fancy, glittery gown, but as soon as the black hejab/sheylas go back on, it starts looking like Elvira Mistress of The Night time. Eeek. Hair styles have changed, however. That aspect has definately become scarier. WTF is the deal with attaching another entire head to the back of your head? I mean, why? Grecian hair styles of hair woven over a huge foam ball (I assume) are in. Some of them were like 2 1/2 times the girls normal head size (imagine 2-3 rolls of Charmin extra soft). My mother used to say when we were little and our hair was messy that it looked like a rat's nest. Well, I was trying to figure out how many rats could live in the back of one of those hair balls. You could hide contraband - OR maybe a digital camera with a zoom lens.... in-teresting....
So, we just about closed that sucka down. We left at about 1:30 and most of the guests had already gone. Lots of the younger ladies came out to say goodbye to us; it was so sweet.
We went back to Butterfly's for more pizza and a wee nip (ask an Irish person). Slaps is a lightweight and left to "go home to her dog" (yeah, sure) early. LOL, Butterfly and I stayed up until about 3 until my eyes were closing. It was way past Spanx-off time (no need when you're wearing an abaya). When I dropped LOL off at her house, she practically fell out of my car and told me the next day that she fell asleep in the hallway of her apartment, much to the dismay of her husband. Yeah, we know how to party, we do. (Two days later, we were still feelin it.)
Read Butterfly's account of the evening HERE.
Bobarino called the next day to tell me about his wedding adventures. He went dressed in dishtasha, qutara and aghal and all the men spoke to him in Arabic. He passed. He neglected to mention, however, that his aghal fell into a chaffing dish.... That's just frickin hilarious. Dude, do you really have a picture of yourself dancing with a sword? I gotta have it.
So I went to sleep early tonight and now it is late and I have work in the morning. I can't sleep. I'm going to be useless tomorrow (sorry, Stella). People should know that blondes need to be re-trained after vacations and long weekends. It's just the way it is.
Looks like I'm going to have a really busy week too with lots of Thanksgiving events and another engagement party this coming Friday. Wooo hoooo.
Hey, did you know that the price of a lamb was crazy expensive this Eid? I heard somewhere in the 120 kd range. That's crrrraaaaazy. I had to hide my dog - she looks like a lamb and with prices that high, you never know who might do something criminal.
Hope y'alls Eid was happy.
Tailored Suits and The Ambassador came over a week ago Saturday. Tailored Suits brought enough food (prepared by one of his two wives; he never told us which) to last the entire week; and went on to explain what machboos is and how you make maabooch and what it is. As if I haven't ever had machboos after 14 years. Kinda odd, but I went with it. It was nice to have Slaps' evaluation of my OLD friends. The minute I left the room, TS was asking her how old she was and if she was married. Dude, c'mon! You have TWO wives (10 children, 1 x wife) and Slaps could be your grand daughter. Old habits are fer sure hard to break.
I went to Kout with The Man over the weekend and finally found Alpo "Come and Get It" dog food for Desert Dawg. Damn - that stuff is really hard to find and it is the only food she'll eat (without getting really sick and really messy). Thank God we got it - and I hoarded. We had a nice time both Fridays (as always). Last Friday, we went to the desert and this Friday, we stayed home and turned the terrace into an oasis (with grilled hamburgers - yummmm). Aaaah, I love Fridays....
The weather has been amazing this week. I'm so glad I have a nice back yard and so many friends who want to just come over and hang.
Bunny's daughter got married on Wednesday. Slaps, LOL, Butterfly and I went. We were trying to be respectful, so we went to buy abayas. It was a Bedouin wedding and we were already going to stick out, so we tried to at least blend in a little (okay not really, but we were trying to be respectful to our hosts). Trying on abayas with a bunch of crazy foreign women is just plain fun. None of us wanted to get a ho-baya (the kind that fits tight across the T&A) because well.... that would be wrong. The Pakistani dudes were a great audience and very helpful. Personally, I don't believe that Lady of Leisure will ever get out of her PJ's now; she'll just throw on the abaya and off she'll go to the store or where ever. I already know that Slaps plans the same thing. I'm pretty sure that both Butterfly and LOL are going back to the store to buy niqabs. They were totally into it (what HAVE I done?)
So, we went to Butterfly's house to prep... for four hours (which apparently was NOT enough time because Butterfly was still doing LOL's hair in the back of my Envoy driving down Fahaheel Expressway at 140 kph with the windows open to avoid suffocation from the fumes of the hair spray). Yes yes, we were quite a vision to the other cars. Anyhoo, Butterfly did an amazing job at hair and make-up through a lot of noise and confusion. We got dressed at her place too and 2 pizzas and several bottles later, it was really difficult to get into Spankx (mission accomplished).
Spanx are an essential wedding accessory in any country. We all wore them except Slaps who said that she doesn't do pain for beauty. Bullshit. I've seen your shoes. I know your pain. Slaps doesn't need Spanx, but then neither does LOL who is the same size. Unfortunately, Spanx roll and it really isn't very funny at all when they do. The Spanx Roll is a dangerous and humiliating time.
We arrived very late (and very giggly) at the hall, just when the beautiful bride was about to make her entrance. The ladies couldn't have been nicer to us. It was like we were the guests of honor. Everyone spoke to us and asked us who we were with and were incredibly kind. Bunny's cousin (one of the eldest ladies at the wedding) took LOL by the arm and danced with her throughout the night. They were extremely gracious.
Fruit juice really takes the edge off dancing at these weddings. LOL, Slaps, and Butterfly immediately ran up and started dancing - with 'tude - as if they had been going to Kuwaiti weddings their whole lives. I don't dance. Dunno why, but something along the way has taken the life out of my dancing legs and I can't seem to get it back. My dancing mojo has been stolen. Anyhoo, the girls had a great time and lots of people danced with them. Usually, some woman will see me sitting alone and practically pull me to the dance floor, so I have my stock excuse ready, 'I'm pregnant,' and they leave me alone. "Oh! Fee bay-beee?" Works like a charm.
The hall was really pretty; everything was done in white and navy blue and the lighting system was fantastic. I don't know who did their decor, but it was very nice. The only thing I didn't like was the hall's bathrooms (but that can be said of a lot of places). Attending large weddings is like going to sporting events; if at all possible, you want to avoid the bathrooms. This was really bad. You can't police everybody and there is always going to be some creature who shocks the heck out of you. At one point, LOL and I pulled up our dresses and grabbed mops to try to clear some of the water in the stalls. People gave us the thumbs up. I felt like I should high-five some of them. Oh well. Unless you bring in your own cleaning crew (with a strict supervisor), it will get dirty.
We took lots of pictures before and after the event, but Kuwaiti families are getting really strict about bringing cameras into weddings. Apparently, photos have been posted on the internet or sent around and with the hejab/modesty issue, no one wants that. I wish I could show my friends/family back home what the weddings here are like; however. They are so different from US traditions and the dresses, hair and make-up are amazing. Someday, I'm going to figure out a way to bring in a spy camera (and just show photos to my FEMALE friends/family). As it was, Bunny's family had hired Camera Nazis to go through bags and look for cameras or camera phones. Those girls weren't playin.
White body make-up is still in fashion at weddings here. I thought if I waited for a while to attend a wedding the fad might have died, but noooooooo.... still white. It looks fine if the girl is dressed up in a fancy, glittery gown, but as soon as the black hejab/sheylas go back on, it starts looking like Elvira Mistress of The Night time. Eeek. Hair styles have changed, however. That aspect has definately become scarier. WTF is the deal with attaching another entire head to the back of your head? I mean, why? Grecian hair styles of hair woven over a huge foam ball (I assume) are in. Some of them were like 2 1/2 times the girls normal head size (imagine 2-3 rolls of Charmin extra soft). My mother used to say when we were little and our hair was messy that it looked like a rat's nest. Well, I was trying to figure out how many rats could live in the back of one of those hair balls. You could hide contraband - OR maybe a digital camera with a zoom lens.... in-teresting....
So, we just about closed that sucka down. We left at about 1:30 and most of the guests had already gone. Lots of the younger ladies came out to say goodbye to us; it was so sweet.
We went back to Butterfly's for more pizza and a wee nip (ask an Irish person). Slaps is a lightweight and left to "go home to her dog" (yeah, sure) early. LOL, Butterfly and I stayed up until about 3 until my eyes were closing. It was way past Spanx-off time (no need when you're wearing an abaya). When I dropped LOL off at her house, she practically fell out of my car and told me the next day that she fell asleep in the hallway of her apartment, much to the dismay of her husband. Yeah, we know how to party, we do. (Two days later, we were still feelin it.)
Read Butterfly's account of the evening HERE.
Bobarino called the next day to tell me about his wedding adventures. He went dressed in dishtasha, qutara and aghal and all the men spoke to him in Arabic. He passed. He neglected to mention, however, that his aghal fell into a chaffing dish.... That's just frickin hilarious. Dude, do you really have a picture of yourself dancing with a sword? I gotta have it.
Notice to KUWAITI PEOPLE: We are available (free of charge) to attend your weddings. Inviting foreigners to your wedding is all the rage now. It is very fashionable. Your friends and neighbors are doing it. Write to me. We WILL show up and play along with any scenario you choose no matter how outlandish. Perhaps you met us through business; perhaps we are Cirque du Soleil performers/contortionists; perhaps you went to school with us..... the scenarios are endless.
So I went to sleep early tonight and now it is late and I have work in the morning. I can't sleep. I'm going to be useless tomorrow (sorry, Stella). People should know that blondes need to be re-trained after vacations and long weekends. It's just the way it is.
Looks like I'm going to have a really busy week too with lots of Thanksgiving events and another engagement party this coming Friday. Wooo hoooo.
Hey, did you know that the price of a lamb was crazy expensive this Eid? I heard somewhere in the 120 kd range. That's crrrraaaaazy. I had to hide my dog - she looks like a lamb and with prices that high, you never know who might do something criminal.
Hope y'alls Eid was happy.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Girl Toys
Girl toy display at the Avenues. I prefer my girl toy to be wearing a dishtasha and older, but hey ... whatever comes in the box is ok with me. I had a hard time getting it in my car.
Vagazzle: Stooping to new lows in trailer-trash fashion
... I was hanging with LOL and Butterfly today and I just learned this term, "Vagazzle." It is "blinging your beaver" (according to the Urban Dictionary - not just me). I have never heard of such a thing. LOL said she had a bikini wax while in Texas (the most painful experience of her life so she said) and they asked her if she wanted to "be vagazzled." They attach tiny crystals to your pubic area (above the hoohoo) in whatever shape you desire. Butterfly chimed in that it sounded like something strippers would do. I said, 'Yeah, like in the shape of a dollar sign.' to which she replied, "VaCHING".
What WILL they think of next? I wonder if it will become fashionable in Kuwait. Hmmmmm...... Men?
Otay, we really didn't mean to be disrespectful to the families sitting around us, but by the time we left, we were all howling in laughter. Tooooooo funny.
We were at a new restaurant, Maadenaa (22499101), that Slapperella recommended. It is on the 28th floor of an office building,Gasem Tower Sour Street
I also went to the Kuwait Towers (aka "Balls of Kuwait") with a few friends who are in town visiting. I hadn't been there in years and I don't think I'll be back again to visit for a while. I got a much better view from the Maadenaa Restaurant - sans the 2KD per person entrance fee. The Towers just aint that fascinating for the money - plus it seems a little worn and not very clean. I bought a Bounty bar (my favorite) for .450 fils as the guys behind the counter tried to explain how much money that is in dollars (seeing the look of shock on my face). Guess they thought I was yet another visitor. Nope; just someone who doesn't want to overpay for my sugar fix. We took the usual touristy teabagger photo shot (looking up from below) and went on our merry way.
So far, this has been a most exciting Eid holiday vacation, so it is.
I went to the desert with The Man and Desert Dawg on Friday. We had a nice little pot of tea under the stars close to Nuwaiseeb (to avoid the crowds near Julai'ai and Bnaider) with The Man's new little generator (which we really had no need for and eventually turned off). The sand was really soft so we dug a hole for a fire and stayed for several hours in peace. I LOVE going to the desert with him. I just love it. It is so sweet and romantic and we always have something to talk about. Fridays are my favorite day of the week. Unfortunately, Saturdays usually seriously suck and I get depressed and extremely grumpy when he's got to go.
I had a few old friends over for lunch on Saturday (it turned out to be a very very good day). I've known these 2 guys for a looooooooooooong time (I aint confessing to how many years I've known them because it would age me). Tailored Suits brought enough lunch for 10 people (we were only 4); cooked by one of his two wives - dunno which. The Ambassador hadn't seen TS in years so it was interesting to see them together again - asking about each other's kids and stuff. So, they left and I had so much food left that I decided to pawn it all off on Slapperella and The Romanian in to-go bags (in this case, they were Ikea shopping bags full of plastic containers).
Was supposed to go out with another Kuwaiti girlfriend and her daughters later in the night, but I was too tired and asked them to come to my place. Thank God, they did, and I could get rid of most of the deserts! Woo hoo. We ended up sitting out in the garden and laughing for hours and hours. I had missed them.
Life is really good, ya know?
What WILL they think of next? I wonder if it will become fashionable in Kuwait. Hmmmmm...... Men?
Otay, we really didn't mean to be disrespectful to the families sitting around us, but by the time we left, we were all howling in laughter. Tooooooo funny.
We were at a new restaurant, Maadenaa (22499101), that Slapperella recommended. It is on the 28th floor of an office building,
I also went to the Kuwait Towers (aka "Balls of Kuwait") with a few friends who are in town visiting. I hadn't been there in years and I don't think I'll be back again to visit for a while. I got a much better view from the Maadenaa Restaurant - sans the 2KD per person entrance fee. The Towers just aint that fascinating for the money - plus it seems a little worn and not very clean. I bought a Bounty bar (my favorite) for .450 fils as the guys behind the counter tried to explain how much money that is in dollars (seeing the look of shock on my face). Guess they thought I was yet another visitor. Nope; just someone who doesn't want to overpay for my sugar fix. We took the usual touristy teabagger photo shot (looking up from below) and went on our merry way.
So far, this has been a most exciting Eid holiday vacation, so it is.
I went to the desert with The Man and Desert Dawg on Friday. We had a nice little pot of tea under the stars close to Nuwaiseeb (to avoid the crowds near Julai'ai and Bnaider) with The Man's new little generator (which we really had no need for and eventually turned off). The sand was really soft so we dug a hole for a fire and stayed for several hours in peace. I LOVE going to the desert with him. I just love it. It is so sweet and romantic and we always have something to talk about. Fridays are my favorite day of the week. Unfortunately, Saturdays usually seriously suck and I get depressed and extremely grumpy when he's got to go.
I had a few old friends over for lunch on Saturday (it turned out to be a very very good day). I've known these 2 guys for a looooooooooooong time (I aint confessing to how many years I've known them because it would age me). Tailored Suits brought enough lunch for 10 people (we were only 4); cooked by one of his two wives - dunno which. The Ambassador hadn't seen TS in years so it was interesting to see them together again - asking about each other's kids and stuff. So, they left and I had so much food left that I decided to pawn it all off on Slapperella and The Romanian in to-go bags (in this case, they were Ikea shopping bags full of plastic containers).
Was supposed to go out with another Kuwaiti girlfriend and her daughters later in the night, but I was too tired and asked them to come to my place. Thank God, they did, and I could get rid of most of the deserts! Woo hoo. We ended up sitting out in the garden and laughing for hours and hours. I had missed them.
Life is really good, ya know?
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Maid mugging in Kuwait
Last Tuesday, November 2nd, my maid walked from the bus stop to my home across the Co-ops Road (Gulf Road extension) in Rumaithiya. She said she saw a man staring at her from a small white car (like a Corolla). As she approached the entrance to our villa, he stopped and called her by another woman's name. She turned and said that wasn't her name. He quickly got out of his car, said "I'm hungry", tore the gold chain from around her neck, returned to his car and drove off. She wasn't hurt, but is still upset by it.
When she (and I) started relating the story to friends, we discovered that this has happened to other maids across various neighborhoods in Kuwait.
These criminals (or one criminal) know that:
Personally, I have had some bad things happen over the years and I have refused to report them to police stations for the same reason. Until things change, and women/people are made to be comfortable reporting crimes, they probably won't. I don't want to go to a police station and 1) wait potentially hours for an investigator to show up to work - that is IF that particular station has an investigator to write the case (you may be sent to another station); 2) have someone either blame the victim or treat them with disrespect (and yes, even blonde-headed-westerners are sometimes treated poorly). So, what does that make the statistics of petty crime in Kuwait? Probably considerably lower than it might be.
So, if you have a part-time house maid, tell her either not to wear gold to work, or at least to conceal it when walking from the bus stop. And as my mommy always used to say, never stop to speak to a stranger in a car. If he makes advances, scream like hell.
When she (and I) started relating the story to friends, we discovered that this has happened to other maids across various neighborhoods in Kuwait.
These criminals (or one criminal) know that:
- Maids walking from bus stops during the day are part-timers, usually either on a visa which has been "bought" or who are running away from other homes to work part-time.
- It is highly unlikely that any of these women will go to the police to file a report; because of the point above and also because they may miss further work by spending hours/days in a police station where they will likely be treated badly.
Personally, I have had some bad things happen over the years and I have refused to report them to police stations for the same reason. Until things change, and women/people are made to be comfortable reporting crimes, they probably won't. I don't want to go to a police station and 1) wait potentially hours for an investigator to show up to work - that is IF that particular station has an investigator to write the case (you may be sent to another station); 2) have someone either blame the victim or treat them with disrespect (and yes, even blonde-headed-westerners are sometimes treated poorly). So, what does that make the statistics of petty crime in Kuwait? Probably considerably lower than it might be.
So, if you have a part-time house maid, tell her either not to wear gold to work, or at least to conceal it when walking from the bus stop. And as my mommy always used to say, never stop to speak to a stranger in a car. If he makes advances, scream like hell.
Monday, November 08, 2010
HOwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Thanks for making my day!
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Food for Troops in the Middle East to Move Across the Port of Virginia
Source: Port of Virginia Blog
http://blog.portofvirginia.com/my-blog/2010/06/index.html
06/25/2010
Food for Troops in the Middle East to Move Across the Port of Virginia
Reston -- Thousands of containers of food to support the US and coalition troops in Iraq, Kuwait and Jordan will move across The Port of Virginia as a result of a decision of made by Unitrans International Inc., of Reston.
The Northern Virginia-based firm selected the port following an evaluation of all ports on the U.S. East Coast. Unitrans officials said they found Virginia to "be ideally suited for this important project." Standard containers and refrigerated containers will be shipped to their Middle East destinations via Virginia.
According to a Defense Logistics Agency (DLA) spokesman, this contract could be worth between $2 billion and $6 billion over the next six years. Much of the food will be consolidated at a warehouse and a refrigerated facility in Norfolk.
Unitrans is the transportation and logistics arm of the Anham Group. The Anham Group is a subsidiary of Anham FZCO, LLC, a Dubai-based firm that is a DLA "prime vendor." Firms carrying the prime vendor designation enter into long-term sustainment contracts with various suppliers to provide materials needed to support the maintenance, repair and operation of DLA facilities.
---- end ----
So people, what this means is that the movement of food through the PV contract formerly held by Agility and now held by Anham will bypass Kuwait (to an extent). Has Kuwait lost business lately? Um, Hell yes. Time to wake up and smell the chai 7alib.
Several big American companies have also moved their employees out of Kuwait, so we hear, to countries like the UAE and Qatar.
http://blog.portofvirginia.com/my-blog/2010/06/index.html
06/25/2010
Food for Troops in the Middle East to Move Across the Port of Virginia
Reston -- Thousands of containers of food to support the US and coalition troops in Iraq, Kuwait and Jordan will move across The Port of Virginia as a result of a decision of made by Unitrans International Inc., of Reston.
The Northern Virginia-based firm selected the port following an evaluation of all ports on the U.S. East Coast. Unitrans officials said they found Virginia to "be ideally suited for this important project." Standard containers and refrigerated containers will be shipped to their Middle East destinations via Virginia.
According to a Defense Logistics Agency (DLA) spokesman, this contract could be worth between $2 billion and $6 billion over the next six years. Much of the food will be consolidated at a warehouse and a refrigerated facility in Norfolk.
Unitrans is the transportation and logistics arm of the Anham Group. The Anham Group is a subsidiary of Anham FZCO, LLC, a Dubai-based firm that is a DLA "prime vendor." Firms carrying the prime vendor designation enter into long-term sustainment contracts with various suppliers to provide materials needed to support the maintenance, repair and operation of DLA facilities.
---- end ----
So people, what this means is that the movement of food through the PV contract formerly held by Agility and now held by Anham will bypass Kuwait (to an extent). Has Kuwait lost business lately? Um, Hell yes. Time to wake up and smell the chai 7alib.
Several big American companies have also moved their employees out of Kuwait, so we hear, to countries like the UAE and Qatar.
Golf Tournament at Sahara, 12 November, in benefit of Animal Friends League
The Animal Friends League is holding 1st Annual Golf Tournament on Friday 12th November at the Sahara in benefit of the animal shelter. The flyer is below. Even if you don't golf (or your significant other doesn't), you can have lunch in a pleasant atmosphere. Write to AFL for tickets: info@animalfriendskuwait.org
Obituary
Hughey the kitten, died of tinyness on the warm morning of November 2, 2010. He was 11 days old. Hughey leaves behind mother, Petunia; father, Bossy Cat; Auntie Limpy; and two siblings, Dewie and Lewie. Hughey was one of triplets; first children of his parents.
Memorial services will be held at the National Cathedral, Washington, DC, on 6 November, 2010. In lieu of flowers, donations will be taken by Desert Girl.
Rest in peace little angel kitten.
Memorial services will be held at the National Cathedral, Washington, DC, on 6 November, 2010. In lieu of flowers, donations will be taken by Desert Girl.
Rest in peace little angel kitten.
Monday, November 01, 2010
Massages, and Roaches and Work... Oh My!
If a man has a gender-reassignment and becomes a female, what must it feel like for him to loose his virginity for the first time as a woman? I know - I've got you thinking, don't I? (Thanks, Stella. As I continue to delight, 'I just never thought my job would be like this...').
The new job really is quite cool. First and foremost because the people (get this) just want to work. WTF?! Can it be?? You work, and they pay you - and on time. What a fascinating approach.
I've been like a sponge trying to soak it all up. It's a totally new industry for me and bien sur, I have been intimidated. Howefah, I remember when I joined my former job, the Chairman that I worked for threw absolutely everything he had at me for 6 months. (For example, what the HELL did I know about going "to meet the Chinese"?) I had no clue what I was doing (and later found out that I was doing what he probably hadn't done in several years). Go figure. Anyways, as difficult as it was, I learned SO much; and although much more pleasant now, I feel like I will learn a lot at this place too.
Plus the people I work with are genuinely nice and make me laugh all the time. I fit in. People GET my humor. That is so rare; no more odd stares, scowls and tilted heads. They think I'm funny, instead of freakish (ok, I think they think I'm not a freak, but one never knows).
Oh, I bought toilet seats (pink) and in less than 45 minutes, the company had reimbursed me. I woulda done it for free, but someone ASKED me for the receipt et voila - cash. It was like... magic..... I didn't have to beg for 2-3 weeks and I didn't have to fill in 3 forms with original, stamped/signed/dated invoices.
BTW - I LOVE the new toilet seats and I think (hope) that they are a big hit in the office.
It is also nice to work with American women again. I realized how much I had let my wardrobe slip. (Ooops, I gotta kick it up a notch.) They are like me - we talk the same language. It's like I'm in Kuwait, but I'm not in Kuwait. We do have a nice mixture of nationalities, but the people I work directly for are American women. It is like being at home with my sisters. So cool. (Only my sisters cook for me, okay?) Tee hee.
I do miss my bigassoffice at the old place (and my bigasssofa that I used to be able to nap on when I didn't feel good - which, honestly, was twice), but it wasn't nearly as lively as where I'm working now. It makes me realize how lonely I was in that bigassoffice all by myself.
The new place also makes me realize what a stressful environment I left behind. Wow. You have no idea how poor the air quality is until you go some place with clean air.
And speaking of clean air: This weekend, Slaps took me to Spa Aquatonic at the Crowne Plaza for massages. (I'm going to have to pull this whiny, pathetic girl shit more often. I'm getting major props.) An hour and a half of OH MY GOD I DON'T EVER WANT TO LEAVE HERE. I got a triple treat: scrub, aqua therapy, and I got hot stoned (refer to previous post). (A scrub, a tub, and a rub.) They scrub you with this sugary gook for 40 minutes, then you go take a shower, then ThaiLady (who makes no faces at your nekedness) helps you into the ensuite aqua bath, lights some candles, draws the princessy curtains, and turns on the bathtub. The bathtub is like your own personal space ship: It changes colors and bubbles massage you in various places (not THERE you perverts!!! Don't you ever STOP??) like your lower back, shoulders. Then, ThaiLady helps you out of the tub and you jump (well ok not really jump) onto the heated massage bed for 60 minutes of hot stones. Oh.My.God! I woke myself up THREE TIMES (snoring like a mofo).
So like after all that, Slaps and I went to eat sushi at Sakura and I literally couldn't talk. I studdered. They were laughing at me. Not funny.
Thank you, Slapperella, for the most relaxing day (after one of the most stressful) of my year! You're a star. Why can't I find a man like her? Do you have any idea what I would do for a man who treated me like that? She sends me flowers. She writes nice cards...... Dayam (sigh).
Ok I did briefly go out with a guy once-upon-a-time who took me to get Thai massage - only it was the stretchy/pully/sport-ish type that was really not relaxing at ALL and the masseuse did some massaging that I wasn't used to (I don't want to talk about it) so it was stressful. That doesn't really count - as much as I would have liked it to. Oh, plus, dude drove a VW Rabbit and wore capris. It all just screamed "unmanly". He got married shortly after and has a terribly unhappy relationship (probably because he should have married the other gender). Capris. Chick car. As if!
Oh! Oh! Oh! I forgot to tell you about the water coming up from the ground in my yard (it sounds so exciting already, right?) So this has happened to me twice this year: Water has come up the drain pipes in my yard, kind of flooding the tiles. It isn't smelly (thank GOD!), but.... here it comes.... sewer-pipe roaches. LOTS of sewer-pipe roaches. They are about the length of my index finger and about 2 fingers wide. EEEEEEWWWW. If anybody knows me (Slaps will tell you - the "incident" 4 years ago at Mubarakia in front of a crowd of 100 people...), I would rather have a gun pointed in my face than to be confronted by a cock-a-roach. (Who knows - you might be able to talk yourself out of being shot, but you can't reason with roaches.) These phuckers are EVERYWHERE. They're on the walls outside, they're messin around on my "welcome" mat, they're getting close to where Hughey, Dewey, and Lewie live. That' can't be! Landlady Mariam has promised that they'll come tomorrow and then kill everything. Y'alls will hear me screaming if not. I was pretty good about it tonight when I got home, but I'm going to have to shower before bed because my skin is crawling (gag, gaaaag).
Here's what I want: A man who will come over, slay all the roaches (with the swath of his mighty sword), and then take me to get a massage and sushi. I'm not asking for DIAMONDS! .... and I just hope he isn't wearing short pants and driving a vaginamobile. That would juuuuuust be my luck.
The new job really is quite cool. First and foremost because the people (get this) just want to work. WTF?! Can it be?? You work, and they pay you - and on time. What a fascinating approach.
I've been like a sponge trying to soak it all up. It's a totally new industry for me and bien sur, I have been intimidated. Howefah, I remember when I joined my former job, the Chairman that I worked for threw absolutely everything he had at me for 6 months. (For example, what the HELL did I know about going "to meet the Chinese"?) I had no clue what I was doing (and later found out that I was doing what he probably hadn't done in several years). Go figure. Anyways, as difficult as it was, I learned SO much; and although much more pleasant now, I feel like I will learn a lot at this place too.
Plus the people I work with are genuinely nice and make me laugh all the time. I fit in. People GET my humor. That is so rare; no more odd stares, scowls and tilted heads. They think I'm funny, instead of freakish (ok, I think they think I'm not a freak, but one never knows).
Oh, I bought toilet seats (pink) and in less than 45 minutes, the company had reimbursed me. I woulda done it for free, but someone ASKED me for the receipt et voila - cash. It was like... magic..... I didn't have to beg for 2-3 weeks and I didn't have to fill in 3 forms with original, stamped/signed/dated invoices.
BTW - I LOVE the new toilet seats and I think (hope) that they are a big hit in the office.
It is also nice to work with American women again. I realized how much I had let my wardrobe slip. (Ooops, I gotta kick it up a notch.) They are like me - we talk the same language. It's like I'm in Kuwait, but I'm not in Kuwait. We do have a nice mixture of nationalities, but the people I work directly for are American women. It is like being at home with my sisters. So cool. (Only my sisters cook for me, okay?) Tee hee.
I do miss my bigassoffice at the old place (and my bigasssofa that I used to be able to nap on when I didn't feel good - which, honestly, was twice), but it wasn't nearly as lively as where I'm working now. It makes me realize how lonely I was in that bigassoffice all by myself.
The new place also makes me realize what a stressful environment I left behind. Wow. You have no idea how poor the air quality is until you go some place with clean air.
And speaking of clean air: This weekend, Slaps took me to Spa Aquatonic at the Crowne Plaza for massages. (I'm going to have to pull this whiny, pathetic girl shit more often. I'm getting major props.) An hour and a half of OH MY GOD I DON'T EVER WANT TO LEAVE HERE. I got a triple treat: scrub, aqua therapy, and I got hot stoned (refer to previous post). (A scrub, a tub, and a rub.) They scrub you with this sugary gook for 40 minutes, then you go take a shower, then ThaiLady (who makes no faces at your nekedness) helps you into the ensuite aqua bath, lights some candles, draws the princessy curtains, and turns on the bathtub. The bathtub is like your own personal space ship: It changes colors and bubbles massage you in various places (not THERE you perverts!!! Don't you ever STOP??) like your lower back, shoulders. Then, ThaiLady helps you out of the tub and you jump (well ok not really jump) onto the heated massage bed for 60 minutes of hot stones. Oh.My.God! I woke myself up THREE TIMES (snoring like a mofo).
So like after all that, Slaps and I went to eat sushi at Sakura and I literally couldn't talk. I studdered. They were laughing at me. Not funny.
Thank you, Slapperella, for the most relaxing day (after one of the most stressful) of my year! You're a star. Why can't I find a man like her? Do you have any idea what I would do for a man who treated me like that? She sends me flowers. She writes nice cards...... Dayam (sigh).
Ok I did briefly go out with a guy once-upon-a-time who took me to get Thai massage - only it was the stretchy/pully/sport-ish type that was really not relaxing at ALL and the masseuse did some massaging that I wasn't used to (I don't want to talk about it) so it was stressful. That doesn't really count - as much as I would have liked it to. Oh, plus, dude drove a VW Rabbit and wore capris. It all just screamed "unmanly". He got married shortly after and has a terribly unhappy relationship (probably because he should have married the other gender). Capris. Chick car. As if!
Oh! Oh! Oh! I forgot to tell you about the water coming up from the ground in my yard (it sounds so exciting already, right?) So this has happened to me twice this year: Water has come up the drain pipes in my yard, kind of flooding the tiles. It isn't smelly (thank GOD!), but.... here it comes.... sewer-pipe roaches. LOTS of sewer-pipe roaches. They are about the length of my index finger and about 2 fingers wide. EEEEEEWWWW. If anybody knows me (Slaps will tell you - the "incident" 4 years ago at Mubarakia in front of a crowd of 100 people...), I would rather have a gun pointed in my face than to be confronted by a cock-a-roach. (Who knows - you might be able to talk yourself out of being shot, but you can't reason with roaches.) These phuckers are EVERYWHERE. They're on the walls outside, they're messin around on my "welcome" mat, they're getting close to where Hughey, Dewey, and Lewie live. That' can't be! Landlady Mariam has promised that they'll come tomorrow and then kill everything. Y'alls will hear me screaming if not. I was pretty good about it tonight when I got home, but I'm going to have to shower before bed because my skin is crawling (gag, gaaaag).
Here's what I want: A man who will come over, slay all the roaches (with the swath of his mighty sword), and then take me to get a massage and sushi. I'm not asking for DIAMONDS! .... and I just hope he isn't wearing short pants and driving a vaginamobile. That would juuuuuust be my luck.
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