Year of the Rooster

First, let me toast you all with a shot of tequila in celebration of the Chinese New Year, the Year of the Rooster (also known as "cock"). Yes, the Year of the Cock - and what a happy year to celebrate. For those who don't drink, let me say, go get yourself some cock.... tail juice. Yum -cock....tail juice and tequila. I'm celebrating. Jose Cuervo and cornflakes all the way, bay-bee. Maybe I'll go rub a Budda's belly for good luck. Maybe I'll just find some rice-fed fat boy and rub his belly and call it good luck. What are your thoughts?

Hey - what do you think of the men around here who look like they are pregnant with twins at 9 months? Do you think that is machboos in there?

I was born in the Year of the Snake. My Chinese horoscope for this year states:

Suave and sophisticated, you'll slip confidently into the year of the Rooster, knowing that good things lie ahead. In fact, after the occasional setback at the beginning, this soon starts shaping up as an extremely satisfying time in almost every respect -- with the possible exception of money. In the workplace, past efforts and experience are recognized, and you could even be lured away to pastures new -- just be patient and you'll get your reward, especially if you're willing to broaden your skills, expertise and knowledge.

As this is also a time of unexpected and costly outlays, avoid risky ventures and keep a careful eye on spending. In your personal life, devote time to your interests and enjoy your lively and harmonious domestic circumstances to the full. Although your social life may suffer, even involving a little animosity, the Rooster smiles on romance, and this could be an especially happy time if you're starting out in love.

So, with any luck, I'll fall in love and GET LAID as well as DRUNK!!!! although I probably won't have a lot of money. Ah yes, drunken sexual intercourse outside marriage. What could possibly be better? (No stupid comments please.)

If you want your Chinese Horoscope, write to me and I'll send it to you. amerab@gmail.com.

A friend at work gave me a gift yesterday. He's so adorable: I saw a toy 350Z on his desk and exclaimed, "I waaaant one!" and he gave it to me. Isn't that nice? It didn't work with his Piaget watch, but what the heck. :)

I still have this chest infection. I heard yesterday that a female high school student in Kuwait died of pneumonia and now I want to go check myself into the Mayo clinic and become Bubble Girl. Am I dying? For real? This hurts (and not in a good way). I also heard that this virus thing has spread from Saudi Arabia. More fun from our family to the South. Bio toxins. Greeeeaaaat.

My frickin Discovery has pulled a fast one on me - just when I thought I could do anything to it and it wouldn't die. I don't know what's wrong with The Beast - it got as far as the mechanic and then sputtered and conked-out. I knew it had a transmission problem, but this is something unique. Damn jinnis. I exorcised the jinnis out of the other car (by literally calling someone religious and having several people pray over it and fire up some bkhoor) and it seemed to have worked. Maybe the jinnis got out of the little car and jumped into the big one. I knew I shouldn't have parked them next to each other, damn it!

BTW - just a side note: My other car is called "The Bitch" because she F's me and takes all my money.

The nice thing is that out of tragedy comes (something good - can't remember the phrase): 3 very nice mechanics came out of nowhere and have offered to help. Ana maskeeeeena, can you help? (I say, innocently - as if I have no clue about cars.) Actually, this time, I have no clue what could be wrong; could be the fuel pump; could be the plugs... I just don't know. Those years of auto mechanics training in the States persuaded me of one main thing: I like my finger nails and I don't really want to get them greasy. The good thing is that I do know what the hell they are talking about and I can troubleshoot pretty well. I used to hang out in Shuwaikh a lot, getting my cars fixed, but I got tired of people staring at my (body parts). I think that there should be an auto mechanics course here for beginners. It would be easy to teach and a lot of people would probably be interested.

I don't like the scrap yard here. It is no fun. In the States, the scrap yards are full of full carcasses - in various states of decay, but basically, still in one piece. Here - the parts have been ripped off already and send to different shops (engines in one place, tranis in another, etc.). Whatever happened to good-old-fashioned ripping parts off cars by yourself with your own tools? Damn - that's half the fun. Amghara isn't fun for several other reasons - really icky, scary, bighairymen tops my list. Also because I have to drive to so many damn places to find different parts. It's stupid.

More caffine-induced thoughts: I think that some business-minded American accountant here should open up a tax service. I need help. So do many, many, many of my friends and colleagues. I can't count - how the hell do they expect me to do my own taxes?

3 day weekend - wooooo hoooo!!!!! I hope I have some fun. Of course, if I don't have fun, it will surely suck.