Losing Whatever Was Left

I am so bored. I mean it. I don't know how I can make it to mid-August when I get the HELL out of here and head to Virginia. Wooo Hooooo!

I haven't been doing anything – literally. I am wearing a valley into my sofa where my ass goes every day after work. Desert Dawg has given up. All hope has been lost.

It is hot and dusty and why should I go anywhere or do anything? Spend money? Been there, done that. Eat? Been there, done that. Can't walk the dog because of the heat. I can't chase around after men because there are too many out of the country. Prime hunting season won't begin again until late September. This is just lame.

I am pathetic and I have no life, so of course – I like to go home, order sushi on wheels, and boo hoo in front of the TV to Oprah. The other day, they had an episode about Luther Vandross. I grew up listening to Luther. He was like a distant cousin (only black and way taller than us). I loved that man. I went through almost an entire box of Kleenex on that episode of Oprah. "Don't you remember you told me you loved me ba-by…. You said you'd be coming back this way again baby…." Sniffle, whimper.

Last night, I lost Oprah. I was watching an episode about how an X-CIA guy who specialized in disguises has started making prosthetic body parts for people who had been maimed in some way and couldn't go out into public. I was just at the part with the guy with the screw in his nose (big gigantic screw that is quite apparent), explaining that he lost it in a boating accident when BAM! … "Searching programs. Please wait a while." Kept popping up on the screen. Damn that Showtime. THEN… I did what I'm supposed to – I put the settings back to factory defaults. Holy shyt!!!! I lost Oprah on MBC4!

Many frantic calls to Bunny followed. He listens to my complaining. I listen to his geek talk. Do either of us really pay attention to the other? Hmmmmm….

So, at 10:00, I called Showtime in Kuwait. Previously, they never picked up the phone past about 7:00 pm. Low and behold – a young Kuwaiti guy answered and I blurted out, "Help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I've lost Oprah and I can't find her again!" Thankfully to God, he actually spoke perfect English and found me quite amusing. His response, "How did you lose Oprah? She's a big girl…" He ran me through the settings until I was reunited with the MBC channels (although too late to find out what happened to the nose-guy). Was anybody else watching? What happened to nose-guy?

I then ate some Oreo chocolate pudding, got some heart palpitations from however much fat it was, and went to sleep. Bo-ring!