OCD's in Various Forms

Sometimes you want to smack your friends upside the head. (Sometimes they want to smack you upside the head, but that is for their blogs, not mine.)

My friend, SheeshaGirl, for example. I love her. She’s a great girl. Good heart; Generally sunny disposition. What I don’t like is her man-of-the-week club. Yes, yes – this sounds like the pot calling the kettle black. It isn’t that I care that she HAS a man every week. I really wouldn’t care if she had 2-3 men a day. Not my business. What makes me truly nutty is the way she CARRIES ON about them like they were THE only man in the whole world – and every week a new one to dote on. “My baby is so adorable. Isn’t (flan) so cute? Look at the SMSs he sent me! I just love this guy. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah….” SHUT UP! I feel like I’m back in 6th grade. Let’s talk about guy at recess on the playground.

This weekend, play friend Talal almost hits my car, as SheeshaGirl has allowed him to drive her car (drunk). I lit into her like she was a 3 year old who had tried to stick its finger in an electric socket. Okay, you want to kill yourself – fine. Just don’t take me/others with you.

THEN, she wanted me to apologize to HIM (as he thought I had over-reacted). AS IF. “It means the world to me that you like him. I respect your opinion.” How the pluck am I supposed to like him when he is obnoxious and almost hits mine and another car – on a relatively empty road? Then, the little schidt has the nerve to tell me, “I’m not drunk. That’s just the way we drive in Kuwait. Get used to it.” I swear to God, this is why I don’t arm myself. And, “means the world to me…” I just met the dumbass! I would like at least 2 days before I form an opinion.

Her 2 week mutaa marriage to Naz is over. Boo hoo. I told Naz, “So… that’s your WIFE?” tee hee. He doesn’t deserve it. Remind me never ever ever to hook up my girlfriends. Unless as a form of revenge or vindictiveness - like I did with my friends Sam and Trish.

He was looking for a rich, beautiful woman to support him. She was looking for same in the male form. They wore amazing clothes and jewelry and had about 10 cents between them. I introduced them and it was "looooooove". They didn't get out of bed for the first 2 months. Whenever they went out, heads turned because they were such a gorgeous couple. For the first several months, they both paid with credit cards, thinking that the other would pay the bill when it rolled around. When they figured out that they were both poor, the stealing began. She stole from him; he stole from her. I laughed my ass off (not all of it).

My personal feeling on dating is – why talk about it when you have to know that you are just going to jinx yourself? Let it flow naturally. Don’t discuss. Don’t obsess. Don’t exaggerate – just let it flooooooooooowwww. Why drag your girlfriends into every little thing? That is so juvenile. Professional daters don’t go there.

Bo Jaij – I watched “Bridget Jones” again last night and yes – it is me; butt and all. Except I don’t smoke ever. I also think Hugh Grant looks like a weasel.

Speaking of Hugh Grant: I went to LA and we were walking to our car off Sunset Blvd and I saw a hooker giving a client a BJ in a car, and I actually looked at the guy to see if he was someone famous. (I couldn't see from her position if the woman was Divine Brown or not.) He just looked at me and smiled. My friend, Angela, almost fell over a trash can laughing. Everyone should have a Hollywood moment.

Side-note: I love the movie, “Love Actually”. I always cry at the end when they are doing the airport montage. It is just so touching (sniffle).

My 4 year quest to re-connect with Hmoud Nasser ended this weekend. It definitely ended. I hadn’t remembered him looking so… so….. anti-masculine. Have you seen his video for his song, “Habibi” (original title, I know, but I like the song)? Anyways, some Lebanese choreographer must have taught him how to wave his hands in the air (ah like you just don’t care…). It seems like all those taught-movements have stuck with him because I asked him a question (in Arabic no less) and instead of responding with actual words, he blew me a kiss (from 2 feet away) and did the same hand gestures as in the video. Oooooooh tay. What was THAT all about? He used to be such a genuine guy with a little lisp (and masculine attire), and a guitar.

I found a new bra this weekend. Debenham’s t-shirt bra. I like it and so do The Girls. Speaking of girls – I was somewhere over the weekend and I am wondering if all the Kuwaiti girls go to the same plastic surgeon to get their boobs done. They all looked like the same size. I actually found myself staring. There is no bra in the world that can pick ‘em up like that. And they were all about the same size as those small, green, Egyptian melons, shamaam. There is going to be an entire shamaam generation in Kuwait. "Shamaamary" generation - tee hee.

A funny traffic-related story: My aggressive American former Army friend, Bobarino, fought for Kuwait in ‘91, so I believe that he has a personal vendetta against all wrongs in Kuwait in current times. Some little kid in a Mazda cut in front of him, tires-a-squeelin, and almost made him flip his Tahoe. He followed the kid for miles, until he turned into a driveway. Babarino came up behind him and said, “You almost killed me back there!” Twerp gets out, flashes an American passport and says, “I don’t care, I’m American.” Babarino pulls his out and says, “Well, ya know what – today is your lucky day because I am too.” He proceeded to berate the twerp in front of neighbors, asking who Twerp’s father was, etc. etc. Sounds like he put the Fear of God into him. Good.

I don’t know about all y’alls, but I have found that a LOT of my homeboys/girls drive like they own Kuwait. (“My Father Does Own The Road”). I have been guilty of it at times (but not cause I’m from the US – just because I drive like a maniac and I feel right at home here). What is different about most of the aggressive American drivers I have found here is that they will follow you and shout and be nasty (they don’t care about face). We have road rage back there, and it seems to have been brought here by some of the home-peeps.

Bobarino was also responsible for smacking a young Kuwait’s head into the roof of a car because youngKuwaiti grabbed Bobarino’s Pilipino girlfriend’s butt while they were waiting for their car in front of a mall. Bobarino told him never to treat a woman like that again, ever. Tee hee. That makes me giggle.

I bought 5 pairs of shoes this weekend and a bag. You might think that is OCD, but it isn’t really. I went to the Cheap Shoe Mall (Munira complex across from M&S). I bought 5 pairs of 5kd shoes, so I have no guilt whatsoever. Shoes only last in Kuwait for 9 nanoseconds anyways with all the stones and dust and mud pits that we have to walk through – and that is just going to work in the morning.

Which makes me wonder why…. Kuwait is the Hooker Shoe Capital of The World. If you are a hooker, or know someone who is, you can definitely find your shoes here. Platform shoes, shiny shoes, boots, acrylic heels, acrylic platforms, tennis-shoes-a-go-go – all in various shades and sizes: They’ve got whatever you need. I think that this place could sell to hookers everywhere. Why isn’t there an Official Kuwaiti Hooker Shoe E-commerce site? I mean, hookers in London, Amsterdam, LA, Vegas, New York could all take advantage of the low prices and different varieties that we have here. Who would have guessed (until you move here) that there are hooker shoes in the desert? If you would like to know where to find the best hooker shoes, there is an entire mall across from Marks & Spencer in Salmiya. Go there. Take pictures. Tell your friends.

My question is this: With all those enormous shamaamary glands, how they gonna walk in hooker shoes? The law of physics should be taken into consideration.

I live in a slum. My building is only 8 years old and it is disgusting me. They seem to have completed most of the sewage re-construction, but there is still a mud pit/trench surrounding my building. I went to visit a friend in Jabriya who has just moved into a gorgeous new building with a pool (accommodation envy). Whoever the owner is did a good job. It costs 270 for 2 br/2 full bath. The finishing is nicely done all around. The only problem is – it is in Jabriya. When you look out the window, you see other buildings right in your face. At least in mine, I get a partial sea view and I’ve got a big balcony. Anyhoo, the upkeep in my building really leaves a lot to be desired. My female Canadian friend is looking for a female professional (as in non-hooker) roommate if anyone knows someone. It is fully furnished; everything is new. Just write to me if you would like info (amerab@gmail.com).

I’m hungry. It is all MrsBaker’s fault. I tuned into her blog a few minutes ago and saw lots of pictures of food items. Then, she reminded me of New England (and I put the two together). Now, I am craving New England foods: Coffee cabinet, grinders, clam cakes, REAL Greek pizza, Portuguese cheese, seafood zuppa (Cyndy!), funnel cake, Dell’s, Newport Creamery, SWORDFISH. Damn. I should shoot myself now and put an end to the misery (yeah - mine AND yours!)