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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

A Proctologist's Dream: Bless His Heart

Yes, yes, I haven’t posted for a while. I took some time off because I was… busy (WTF).

So I didn’t get married. We met on September 29th (his birthday) last year and, true to form, he was outa here shortly before the 1 year mark. Well, I hate all that wedding crap anyways. I never did want a wedding dress or a reception with people I don’t even know or like. Seems like a lot of work for an event that should be a whole lot more intimate than that.

Well Forest, life is like a box of chocolates…. You know what? Funk dat. I hate the sickeningly-sweet cream centered chocolates (the stuff eventually runs all over the place and ruins everything), so I try to poke holes in the bottoms of each and every chocolate so I can figure out which ones NOT to eat to avoid disappointment. Let’s speak in metaphors here and say that I’ve gone through a Willy Wonka amount of chocolates in my life. One would think that based on the law of averages (which I firmly believe in), sometime, somehow, somewhere, I would be able to stick with one chocolate. For me, it would be the perfect blend somehow of mint, coconut, and perhaps even a little ginger, but with the character and consistency of a toffee-centered chocolate: rigid and sustainable. It would be coffee-color and smooth. Why do I keep getting the ones that run? Too much complication. Too much anxiety. You never know when the stuff is going to run out.

I believe that when you reach a certain age (in my case, 29), you start accepting things for the sake of the long ride and not just the short one. I put up with a WHOLE LOT of things – many I am choosing to leave out in the blog. What I will say is that I bent my own rules so many times with The Man that I thought I had turned into my friend from Kentucky who I used to make fun of. Me: Trish, why don’t you leave the bastard? Trish: “Because I looooooooooooooooooove hiiiiim.” I used to make serious fun of my friends like SheeshaGirl who went on and on and on about some loser-of-a-man to the point where we all wanted to shoot her to put her out of our own misery. I have BECOME these women. I don’t think I’m a meek little push-over doormat of a person. I am generally not-very-interested in most of the men I meet. They’re nice and all that, but I am too distant for a relationship. I just don’t care all that much unless someone really impresses me – and at this point, most don’t.

Why is it that The Man impressed me? I blame it all on The Romanian. See, I saw The Man and I didn’t think he was ALL THAT (way less the bag of chips on my scale). A week after we met, she was adamant that I call him, so I did. Then we went out a few times. I don’t know what it was about him (nuclear physics – some form of chemical reaction perhaps?). He definitely didn’t have the ideal marital situation, financial situation, and more.

I don’t regret it. I had a great time. We did so many things together that I have wanted to do with a boyfriend/fiancé/husband for so long: Stupid things like camping and shopping and going to movies and hanging out. Stupid things that alas, most Kuwaiti men don’t do for different reasons.

I didn’t get to travel with him and I’m very sorry about that. He chose to go to Phuket with a womanizing guy-pal of his instead of going there with me – for our honeymoon. When I heard the woman in his room (it could have been the television, right?) and confronted him, it was the last time I spoke to him. I hope she enjoyed our damn honeymoon. He was supposed to be in Sharm with his sisters (who I will miss).

I’m a simple girl. I don’t need a lot to keep me happy and I don’t mind sharing what I’ve got because it is a PARTNERSHIP. I just don’t want a guy who does really dumb things and then wants to “make it up to me”. You know what, gentlemen? Once that statement is out of your mouth, it is already too late.

Well, I won’t go into too many details, but I send him daily reminders that I don’t forgive him and that if he is praying during this Ramadan, I don’t believe God will accept his prayers as he can’t be a good person during the other 11 months of the year. As he TOLD his entire family and circle of friends 8 months ago that we are already married (and he hasn’t bothered to divorce me yet), perhaps I am still considered his wife. And if that is the case and this IS Ramadan, why the HELL hasn’t he bothered to even buy me a tin of tashreeba or perhaps some frickin gaymat??? Bless his cheap-ass stingy heart.

Speaking of which, if you want laugh-your-ass-off-funny, read this book: Bless Your Heart, Tramp by Celia Rivenbark. Holy shit, it is hilarious. She also wrote, “Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank,” and “We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier” (which could have a tremendous appeal to the entire female population of Kuwait).

In the South, you can say, “Bless your heart” and get away with anything (as Celia says in her book). The Man is an idiot, bless his heart.

11 comments:

  1. What a scoundrel!
    I can't get over stories like this. Why can't men be straightforward?

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  2. im so sorry babe! I hope things work out for you some day down the rocky road (hmmm yummy ice cream sorry I'm starving hhehehe)

    Men are assholes, they need teaching by us hehe

    I missed you bloggin, don't STOP AGAIN like that!

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  3. Jewaira - genes.

    Ananyah - thank you. I generally think they can be trained, but only so far and if they keep peeing on the carpet, you gots to put them out on the porch! :)

    This is not my year. I'm pretty sure it is going to get better in 2007 or I may go postal.

    Thank you for the words of encouragement.

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  4. KWA, that was a very kind post and I sincerely appreciate your honesty. Thank you for commenting and thank you for your words of support. I know I did the right thing, but part of the process seems to be second-guessing myself (what did I do wrong, what should I have done better...), so a few motivational words go a long way.

    I don't think satisfaction is just limited to men. I have met very few men that would make me stop looking for the next-best-thing. Once you have found someone who keeps you grounded and focused, it is hard to let go. Sometimes, however, it is not mutual. Life is so complicated where it could just be so simple.

    I've gone over it in my mind so many times and you are absolutely right. I have a sheet of paper on my wall at home, "If he loved you..." and I keep adding to the list(my maid thinks I'm crazy: "But he is such a nice man...") Topping the list was the cheating, but there are also other things there too. You can NOT ignore someone you love, for example. (I honestly thought I am too old and/or too intelligent for all this crap, but alas....)

    Ironically, The Man told me many times, "I can't imagine my life without you," but not all people justify the words with acts. Some (few) people actually ACT and are moral barometers for others (also known as "character").

    IF The Man loved me, he would be here now. He would - at the very least - be begging forgiveness or trying to win me back in some way; to date, I have not heard a thing from him - other than when we were making arrangements to get his clothes/things back to him.

    I think sometimes, we (women?) try to imprint our ideals onto a partner and then fail (or deny) to see it when the person we love falls short of our ideals. Hope is a wonderful thing, but it can be a double-edged sword.

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  5. hi

    men hates whining, perhaps you should strain yourself from whining, i'm not saying you do but thats one big thing that turns me into a crazy dude, take this example:

    her: hi
    me: hi
    her: can i see you today
    me: sorry honey i have work
    her: maybe after work
    me:10pm!
    her: yeah, only for 10 mins
    me: i would be tired by that time sorry honey maybe tomorrow
    her: NO, i wanna see you today
    me: honey but we met yesterday i have work you know
    her: i don't care about your work i wanna see you
    me: "out of love" whats wrong honey is there anything bothering you, are you sick?
    her: NO i'm just pefect and no there is nothing bothering me
    me: i'll see you tomorrow morning i promise
    her: NO, i wanna see you now
    me: "me getting nervous" i can't
    her: yes you can
    me: "getting furious" No i can't
    her: i hate you
    me: relax "my boss walking"
    her: i hate you i hate you
    me: i'll call you later ok?
    her: NO, i will stay on the phone just to piss you off
    me: "Boss complaining" me>whispering: honey i'll call in five mins "balancing not to get the boss angry nor my girl"
    her: NO, you staying with me
    me: Bye
    her: NO
    me: "pretending and holding my fury" heheh ok Bye
    her: I said NO NO NO i won't go
    me: me shutting the phone off

    imagine a girl with that attitude talking to you everyday with the same attitude for 5 years, i'm an idiot.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Tiger - while I can empathize (having been on the receiving end of that conversation with many many an insecure man), I'm not that girl. :)

    My conversation would be more like this:

    Me: Hi
    Him: Hi. Can I call you back? I'm in a meeting.
    Me: (reeeeeeeeal sexy) sure! Right after you tell me what color your underwear are and what you are going to do to me later.
    Him: Uh....
    Me: Do you have to stand up or can you stay seated during this meeting?
    Him: (long pause) Ok talk to you later.
    Me: (tremendous amounts of giggles) Ok bye.

    I swear - I have this conversation all the time and sometimes even with men I don't know very well (not only an SO) just for shits and giggles.

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  7. girl i dream of that quick conversation when i most need it, it just never happened, its ramadan afterall, have a nice month, see ya 2007 with a new post.

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  8. Purgy - IF ONLY I could! :) I like mens too much. You are just a typical guy, aren't cha?

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  9. Hello,

    Sorry to hear about the breakup.
    You seem like the kind of person who will get over this, especially since you already know you did the right thing.

    So hang in there. and sometimes its ok to be That girl (the obsessing one). for a short while

    ReplyDelete
  10. Great Blog, Desert Girl.

    Sorry about the break-up, but yes, most of us men are too much trouble to train. And those of us that are well trained are usually married! :-)

    Thanks for the good reading.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for stopping by and it is so nice to hear from you! Just a few words on commenting: Through this blog, I won’t tolerate intolerance, hatred, finger-pointing or personal vendettas. If I even get those types of comments, I will most likely delete them because I believe it defeats the purpose of positive efforts and energy. Stop the hate.