Reflections

Carol was one of the poorest students in a rich Southern university; getting a scholarship at the age of 17.  Her mother, my grandmother, Anne, was a sibling to 9 who had immigrated from Finland.  They had very little.  Grammy pushed mom to get an education.  Even when Grammy passed away, mom spoke to her spirit every morning in gratitude and love (which is what I do daily with my mom, holding the folds of her robe or touching the last birthday card I have from her hanging on my wall). 

Mom became an award-winning journalist and was the only person I know who could make you smell something just by her vivid descriptions; weather it be food on the table at a restaurant review or the spray of the ocean on her cheek standing on a beach or breakwater.  She wrote for the Providence Journal in Rhode Island for almost 40 years and various magazines and newspapers as a travel writer.  Before that, she had a pretty fabulous journalism career where she worked in Washington DC, and interviewed Presidents, politicians and Hollywood stars (and was herself often likened to the beautiful actress,  Kim Novak).   I’m secretly thankful that mom never learned to drive because I got to travel with her as her driver to many of the world’s most romantic places (like Australia and Ireland and Tahiti and beautiful small islands, Isles de la Madeline in Canada where she loved the sunlight on the cliffs).  Beautiful, strange and amazing romantic places -  with my MOTHER.   It has been a blessing.

Mom was one of those unique people who could make a friend wherever she went; frequently embarrassing her daughters as teenagers as she would always compliment or have a nice word to say -often to the people who appeared to need it the most.  (“Mom!  Why do you have to talk to everybody?!”)   She taught us to look around the room and tip the busboys in restaurants as they were the lowest paid.  She sent money to people she met along her travel writing journeys who she thought needed help.  Like on the Navajo reservations and in the South on her “Hunger in America” series.   She was always kind that way. 

Because of mom, Cait and I both have “ears like dogs.”  As part of mom’s restaurant reviews, she listened to (ok, eves dropped) other patron’s conversations about the food.  She would shush us and turn an ear to listen.  Cait and I can now hear a conversation across a crowded room while never letting you know that you don’t have our full attention.

Mom always taught us to be independent – sometimes/mostly fiercely independent.  She never relied on any man and she instilled the same in Cait and I.  I remember once receiving an expensive gift from a male friend as a teenager.  She was very upset because she said, “I don’t have much money right now and we have to go buy him a gift of equal value.  You should never owe anyone anything.”  I loved that silk dress!   But I’ve never owed anyone anything.  And neither has my sister.

To those she left behind:  Mom was super proud of her businesswoman daughter, Cait, and loved to hear Cait talk about her work adventures (often humorously).  She was proud of me and my adventurous spirit leading me to work in the Middle East.  She was equally proud of her grandson, Alex, who has inherited the writing gene in the family (whether he chooses to use it or not, she knew that he has it because of several eloquent stories and letters he has written) and of the man and father he has become.  She was happy to have known her great-granddaughter, Avery who brought her so much joy in the later part of her life; and admired Kelsey for being such a wonderful mother to Avery.  She loved the fortitude and support of Cait’s husband, Wayne, and his calming presence in all of our lives.  Mom loved the bond that cousin, Margaret, had with her and our Finish side of the family; a reminder of who she was and where her side of the family was from.

And she loved the friendship and support of her neighbors, Liz, Trish, Gary, and Amy who orchestrated the little things that meant so much to her daily life;  like visits,  baked goods deliveries, taking out the trash for her and making sure her newspaper was delivered close to her door.  Little things that make a big difference to an elderly person who was once so much more independent.

Mom often said that even though your body is aging, you are still the same person inside.  People who knew her knew that – she had a sharp sense of humor and fascinating perspective of life right to the end.