Overdue Gratitude

Little disclaimer:  I'm big on gratitude.  I believe it is part of my spirituality.  If your grateful to people (animals, other living beings) you are showing gratitude to God.  So I do it as often as possible.

Yesterday, I was writing one of my scathing therapeutic letters to El Cajon that I will never send him.  In this one, I was saying that I hadn't written in a while and that I was feeling better now.  Ah, but The Universe must have heard me and threw in a monkey wrench.

Just as I finished writing the last sentence, El Cajon, came into my office and thanked me.  A lot.  He just hit a big target at work and was thanking me for helping him achieve success; that more money to him meant more ability to help part of his family that is struggling. "I wouldn't be able to have accomplished this without  you.  You did so much for me."....

I'm happy for him - and grateful for the appreciation - but....

'I don't know what to say you you.  I think of the right, the appropriate, the spot-on things I should have said to you not too long after you go away.  And then it is too late to say them.'  I just stare and smile.

So, he told me to just say, "You're welcome" and maybe send him an email later.  So, I did.

'I appreciate you taking the time to come to say thank you to me.  I'm happy that you are there when your family needs you.  But you weren't there for me when I needed you.'  That's all I could get out.  That's really all I wanted to get out without saying hurtful things that I would feel guilty for.

You weren't there for me.  That says it all.