I
have a lot of acquaintances and I get asked for a lot of help. (In my
real life, not here in virtual world.) Last year, a friend and his family
asked* me to help him find a job.(I’m going to call him “bear” because that’s
what his car is called in Arabic.)
*I
don't want to say "begged" because that would appear OTT
and narcissistic, but seriously, that’s what they did.
So, being the
good friend that I am (also known as “sucker,” “pushover,” and sometimes, “door
mat”), I worked on his resume for him, mentored him on what he should do/say in
an interview, gave him advice. He got
the job....
And then he
started asking the company for more.
More salary. More benefits. More perks.
He got more. And no, he was not
grateful. It was simply about getting what
he could out of it.
In Kuwait, this
is a pervasive, fast-moving parasitic virus known as “Masla7a” or benefiting
from or using others. This virus took
hold in Kuwait following the liberation of Kuwait in 1991. It wasn’t really prevalent before. Many people don’t even know that they have
it. It lies dormant and suddenly, they
become Masla7a.
Let me pause
here to say that I am a FIRM believer in the power of gratitude. If someone does something for you; you’d
better be grateful. It isn’t between you
and that person; it is between you and God.
You are blessed. It didn’t happen
all by itself. There was a higher power
pushing it along. I send thank-you notes
and little gifts. If there is a job that
I really want, I sent flowers to the interview team. I don’t take this stuff lightly. If there is one prayer you should say, it is “Thank
You.” God watches and listens.
So, along the
way, Bear asked for more and got more.
He didn’t have to work very long hours.
He got to take his company car home.
He even asked for and was granted English courses. Never grateful.
Then he got a
better job; something that he has always wanted to do. (Again, this kind of thing doesn’t happen by
itself. God is blessing you and testing
you at the same time. How will you
react? Will you do the right thing or
the wrong thing?)
He gave 4 day’s
notice when he resigned. 4 days. The law in Kuwait is 90 days. Because he is of a nationality that does not
require him to be sponsored by the company, they couldn’t hold him with
that. They may be able to pursue legal
action and I don’t know if they will choose to do that. Bear asked me if the company might ask for him
to repay 3 months’ salary. I told him
that if they did, it was a result of his own actions.
I helped him
get this job and the people in the company know me. It is my reputation; but that didn’t matter
to Bear. All he thought about was his, “Big
chance.” And how fast he could get there.
I had a chat
with Bear about karma and ethics. It was
like talking to a brick wall. I see
companies not as institutions of employment, but a group of people. Bear hurt humans in his actions; people that
gave him a chance and believed in him (like me). I worry about his soul. I’m sure my reputation will endure this. But everything you do comes back to you; good
or bad. It all has ripple effect. Bear will eventually acknowledge this.
He has burnt a
bridge. Well, Kuwait is small, so in
reality, he has burnt a lot of bridges because people talk. He can’t ask anyone for help at the
company. It’s done. And if the company he is going to work for is
even slightly professional, they’ll ask for (and check!) a reference and he won’t
be able to provide one. People talk in
diwaniyas. What happens if he is
terminated during his upcoming 90-day probation period? There’s no going back now.
I saw Bear’s
family. They blamed me for not helping
Bear resign; for not helping convince the company to let him go without any repercussion. They thought, wrongly and stupidly, that I
was trying to force him to stay at the company.
Why would I do that when all I ever did was try to help him? Of course I want him to excel, but do it the RIGHT WAY. Again, no gratitude (I didn't get pink roses, I got a bunch of angry people shouting at me and telling me that I was wrong not to help him MORE.) They pray.
They fast. They’re not
grateful. I can’t help them with that
(or anything else ever again).
Like I tell my
friends, you can call me what you want, but I believe in helping people because
that is between myself and God. If they
let me down, it is their own personal relationship (test) with God. They have had a choice to make and I move on
knowing that I did the right thing.
(This post sounds very mature and gracious, doesn't it? In reality, I did a lot of cussing and BMCing to my girlfriends and actually had an ugly cry. It isn't easy to lose friends - especially in a shitty way like this. Masla7a people suck and there's no cure!)
Kudos to your ethics in dealing with people . Your logic is sound and true . Rest assured that your sincerity in giving will not be wasted just as the masl7ah people will pay their dues sooner or later . Life is very fair in the long run.
ReplyDeleteWow! It is good that you are a firm believer of God. You have my respect.
ReplyDelete"you’d better be grateful. It isn’t between you and that person; it is between you and God."
That's absolutely true. It's stated in Quran that if we humans become grateful God will give us more.
Bear is not to blame for being Masla7a, it is from where he got it!
ReplyDeleteIf his family cannot drill in the graciousness in him, then it is only his friends who can achieve it. If possible don't abandon your friend (Bear), because you would love one of your friends to bring you out of your crappy miserable habits (if you were in one).