BFF

I haven't been posting a lot lately because I've been trying to kick back and evaluate what's been going on in my world.  I also have had to take a few steps back from the picture so as not to be completely negative about it, place blame, or point fingers - because honestly, that's not what it's all about.  It just is what it is.  ( I have had to fight a seemingly-overwhelming desire to post negative passive-aggressive images and comments, but I did and I hope I have taken the higher ground.)

I have been blessed in my life.  I try to find blessings (signs too) in everything I do. I believe that we are all guided by a Higher Force.  I believe in God.  I’ve been receiving a lot of signs lately – some overt and some the kind that sneak up on you when you least expect them, in ways that you couldn’t have imagined.

People change.  Not all your friendships or associations will last.  Even relationships and marriages come and go.  Nothing is forever, but some things last longer than others. 

My BFF of 16 years, The Romanian, and I just had a major falling out.  BFF means Best Friend Forever, however, how long can that really the case?  If a friendship was meant to endure forever, the phrase wouldn’t have been developed by a teenager, but more likely someone of old age.   During the past 16 years, The Romanian and I have  had a lot of ups and downs.  We have learned to forgive each other when we have had problems, and we have moved past things to find a deeper friendship.  But again, people change and move in different directions;  what was true years ago may not be the case now.

I have had friends for 30 years or more.  I value, maintain, and even fight to keep friendships together.  Some friends and I can catch up after years apart as if nothing ever happened.  But – these are friends that I don’t see or talk to every day. They don’t know intimate details of my life like The Romanian does.  With "friends at a distance," there is less reason to judge or to be judged; less information.    I’ve heard the phrase, “Never get too close to people.”  This is a valid point.  Impractical, I think, but valid.

This winter, The Romanian and I lived in the desert with guys we were dating:  cousins who were best friends. (You know this from previous posts.)  It wasn’t without drama – like it would be in a family.  We had arguments, got back together, had more arguments, got back together.  Now the group is effectively apart.  I’m not talking to Desert Guy.  His cousin, Teddy, and I became close friends (for a while - see post below) -- which eventually caused the rift between the Romanian and I.  Our peripheral camp “family members” and I have nothing in common; no glue to keep us together.  Like a scene from some summer romance movie with all the lovers, friends and acquaintances going back to reality at the end of the season; it became my own reality.  However, I always assumed that my friendship with my best friend would endure through anything, but perhaps we just got too close during this final scene.  Maybe it is just time to put some distance in between and see what will happen in the future. 

Spring is a time of renewal and rebirth. Quality of life has become my priority.  Sweeping out negative to make room for positive.  Reflection followed by positive action.  Letting go where I have to in order to let in where I can.

I am always grateful for my blessings.   I make friends easily, I’m always busy, and I know that there are indeed a few things that are constant in life:  strength of character, resilience, and the ability to adapt to change.  Maybe this change is giving way to something new for both of us.  Like all my friends, I wish my (former?) BFF the very best.