Arab Times
Valentine's Day ("Yom al hub")
February 14, 2012
Enjoy sex, says Islamic love guru ‘It’s the core of a happy marriage’
DUBAI, Feb 13, (AFP): Emirati love guru Widad Lootah is not your typical marriage counsellor. She is an ultra-conservative Muslim who wears the full veil and talks a lot about sex.
On the eve of Valentine’s day, Lootah is calling on Muslim and Arab women everywhere to “embrace love and love making.”
“Don’t shy away from it, don’t feel ashamed by it. Enjoy it, you’re supposed to,” she said in an interview with AFP, adding that she is trying to break common misconceptions that sex in Islam is only about conceiving children.
“It’s also about having fun,” she said.
Dressed in a shroud of black revealing only her eyes, Lootah was frank and explicit about the importance Islam places on a healthy sex life. “It’s at the core” of a happy marriage, she said.
Lootah noted that her 11 years as a marriage counsellor at the Dubai courthouse made her realise that “what happens (or doesn’t happen) in bed” is the main source of marital problems in the United Arab Emirates.
Public, and in many cases private, discussions about sex are still taboo in much of the conservative Muslim world, a reality she says contradicts Islam’s approach to the subject.
There are only two simple rules for sex in Islam: you must be married “and anal sex is strictly forbidden,” Lootah said.
The problem is, “there is so much shame and disgrace” associated with the enjoyment of sex in the Arab world.
Lootah is an adamant believer in bringing the discussion of sex out into the open, although at times doing so has proven it can be a risky business.
In 2009, she published the much-debated Muslim sex guide “Top Secret: Sexual Guidance for Married Couples.” (DG: I wonder if Amazon has it....)
Her book, and her comments in interviews on the subject, initially triggered a slew of insults, condemnation and even threats against her life.
“They called me all sorts of things: crazy, vile, immoral, criminal,” she said. “Some even called me a traitor and spy for Israel and America.” (DG: A sex spy for America??? hmmmm)
Today, Lootah is probably the UAE’s most prominent marriage counsellor, known by her clients as “Mama Widad.”
Lootah has also vigorously lobbied her home government to introduce sexual education in Emirati schools.
For older teens, “it’s very important that we educate them, both males and females, about sex... we have to prepare them psychologically and emotionally for it, and we have to teach them about the act itself.”
But first, we must “educate the teachers so they can educate the students,” said Lootah, adding that such education would also help protect young children from sexual predators.
They have to be “taught what form of adult-child interaction is appropriate and what’s not,” she said. “We need to teach them so they know to recognise the danger when it’s there.”
She said the taboos surrounding sex have also contributed to high divorce rates in the Emirates and to generally unhappy marriages.
In about a month, Lootah plans to submit her second book, “Top Secret Volume Two,” to the government censors, and in traditional Lootah style, its pages will contain a lot of sex talk.
But this time, the topic of discussion is forbidden sex under Islam.
“It’s about homosexual and lesbian relations and their effect on the institution of marriage,” said Lootah, adding that she had to tread carefully given the sensitivity of the subject and intense emotions it stirs in the Muslim world.
When asked why she has taken on the cause of love and sex in Islam, Lootah argued that it was an issue of “women’s rights.”
“I can’t fix everything... but I can try and fix the role of women (in sex and marriage) in the Arab world.”
As for her opinion of Valentine’s day, she says Islam forbids the celebration of non-Muslim holidays.
“But if you consider Valentine’s day as a mere reminder to show one’s love to another, then why not? I don’t object to it,” she said. But “if that’s the case, then every day should be Valentine’s day.”
Any last words of advice?
“Experience love... even before marriage, that’s OK. But don’t do anything forbidden by Islam.”
On the eve of Valentine’s day, Lootah is calling on Muslim and Arab women everywhere to “embrace love and love making.”
“Don’t shy away from it, don’t feel ashamed by it. Enjoy it, you’re supposed to,” she said in an interview with AFP, adding that she is trying to break common misconceptions that sex in Islam is only about conceiving children.
“It’s also about having fun,” she said.
Dressed in a shroud of black revealing only her eyes, Lootah was frank and explicit about the importance Islam places on a healthy sex life. “It’s at the core” of a happy marriage, she said.
Lootah noted that her 11 years as a marriage counsellor at the Dubai courthouse made her realise that “what happens (or doesn’t happen) in bed” is the main source of marital problems in the United Arab Emirates.
Public, and in many cases private, discussions about sex are still taboo in much of the conservative Muslim world, a reality she says contradicts Islam’s approach to the subject.
There are only two simple rules for sex in Islam: you must be married “and anal sex is strictly forbidden,” Lootah said.
The problem is, “there is so much shame and disgrace” associated with the enjoyment of sex in the Arab world.
Lootah is an adamant believer in bringing the discussion of sex out into the open, although at times doing so has proven it can be a risky business.
In 2009, she published the much-debated Muslim sex guide “Top Secret: Sexual Guidance for Married Couples.” (DG: I wonder if Amazon has it....)
Her book, and her comments in interviews on the subject, initially triggered a slew of insults, condemnation and even threats against her life.
“They called me all sorts of things: crazy, vile, immoral, criminal,” she said. “Some even called me a traitor and spy for Israel and America.” (DG: A sex spy for America??? hmmmm)
Today, Lootah is probably the UAE’s most prominent marriage counsellor, known by her clients as “Mama Widad.”
Lootah has also vigorously lobbied her home government to introduce sexual education in Emirati schools.
For older teens, “it’s very important that we educate them, both males and females, about sex... we have to prepare them psychologically and emotionally for it, and we have to teach them about the act itself.”
But first, we must “educate the teachers so they can educate the students,” said Lootah, adding that such education would also help protect young children from sexual predators.
They have to be “taught what form of adult-child interaction is appropriate and what’s not,” she said. “We need to teach them so they know to recognise the danger when it’s there.”
She said the taboos surrounding sex have also contributed to high divorce rates in the Emirates and to generally unhappy marriages.
In about a month, Lootah plans to submit her second book, “Top Secret Volume Two,” to the government censors, and in traditional Lootah style, its pages will contain a lot of sex talk.
But this time, the topic of discussion is forbidden sex under Islam.
“It’s about homosexual and lesbian relations and their effect on the institution of marriage,” said Lootah, adding that she had to tread carefully given the sensitivity of the subject and intense emotions it stirs in the Muslim world.
When asked why she has taken on the cause of love and sex in Islam, Lootah argued that it was an issue of “women’s rights.”
“I can’t fix everything... but I can try and fix the role of women (in sex and marriage) in the Arab world.”
As for her opinion of Valentine’s day, she says Islam forbids the celebration of non-Muslim holidays.
“But if you consider Valentine’s day as a mere reminder to show one’s love to another, then why not? I don’t object to it,” she said. But “if that’s the case, then every day should be Valentine’s day.”
Any last words of advice?
“Experience love... even before marriage, that’s OK. But don’t do anything forbidden by Islam.”
search youtube for DR RUTH
ReplyDeleteI'm American. Do you think I don't know who Dr. Ruth is? :)
ReplyDeleteThe moral of the story is that you can't judge a book by it's cover. How refreshing this lady is with her pragmatic approach to a 'taboo' topic in the muslim world. I love the UAE and often chit-chat with the women there. I find them refreshingly friendly and modern, although it would be a scandal, if a women were to leave her house unveiled. I would add to her agenda that knowing/loving yourself is very important in a relationship.
ReplyDeleteThis is very true alot of taboo goes around the Kuwaiti community of girls i was very shocked to learn alot of them won't perform oral sex due to thinking it may cause disease's (ONLY if your honey has been sticking his stick in an unwanted rabbit hole would that ever happen) then they moan that he cheat's and complains that shes boring in bed duh what do those girl's expect your hubby doesn't wanna go to bed with a robot he wants a wild tiger grrrr ;)
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 2:25 - Married to a woman who doesn't give you a decent BJ??? That's just wrong. ;) LOOOOL
ReplyDeleteBut hey, I know a whole lot of American women who just won't do it. As one says, "Once you get married, you don't HAVE to do that anymore."
If he's not doing it with his wife; who is he doing it with? That's MY question.