I found out this weekend that Southern Bedu (now officially "SB" as he can be discribed officially as a SoB) has been dating one of my friends - that he met at MY HOUSE. She is only a light acquaintance and didn't know our relationship. I don't blame her - she didn't know. I was always running around inside the house being hostess, while he was sitting with my friends outside smoking sheesha and generally avoiding me. No one knew he was my guy - unless a dude was hitting on me and then it would be all "She's my fiance!" (and then it wasn't about me - it was about posession.) I generally don't feel the need to announce my relationship status to everyone I know. Noneyor.
How did I find out? He wanted to bring her to a party at my place this weekend as his date!!!
WTF is WRONG with people???
Well sheet, I knew I shouldn't have camped in the South. Its my own damn fault. Shoulda known better. I should stick to my own tribe.
Why do guys ask me to marry them? There is no need. I don't fall for that crap and it surprises me that they don't understand that in terms of marriage, I'm a fight or flight" girl and I choose flight. When it gets serious, I feel the walls closing in and I want to bolt. I have a lovely box of engagement rings and that is fine with me. (I would like the procedure to escalate to cars and homes, but that's really irrelevant to our discussion.)
Girlfriend and I had a nice little chat. I wish them well. I doubt it will go very far after our girl talk.
I don't know if SoB was serious about the whole marriage thing or not. Who knows? Who cares? He seems to have had all my friends fooled - and I believe some of them are... "It takes a playah to know a playah." They smell the bullshit. They understand the bullshit. They have done the bullshit. The marriage game in Kuwait is waaaaaaay old school (which is why I don't believe it and why I have so many nice rings - cause I INSIST). Dudes believe that if they ask you to marry them, it cements the relationship and girlfriend will generally do what he wants (em, have WE met??).
A Kuwaiti friend related a story about someone he knows who would play the marriage game to the next level with women he met; he would go to the girls' family and ask for her hand in marriage. Kuwaiti women. Women from upstanding families. When they would agree, he would start dating her openly. Why this is necessary in today's society in Kuwait - I have no idea. It is kind of an "open market" these days.... However, I guess he enjoyed the whole game aspect... until he met a girl, asked her father to marry her, father agrees, dude tries to dump the girl after getting what he wanted - and WABAM! Girl's father turns out to be an influential judge. Tee hee. Forces him to marry her. Few years pass and dude wants a divorce. Daddy gets girlfriend a big settlement.
... back to our story. So, am I upset about this incident? I'm mad that someone could believe he could take advantage of me (I'm not saying that he did because seriously - it was never going to happen from my side I was never serious about it - too much baggage, too many problems.). I'm mad that some of my friends will still talk to him even though he pulled such a hailag move. I feel like my friends have been betrayed and not just me because they befriended SoB because of me. I'm not sad because quite honestly, there wasn't much love there. He was nice to have around, but zzzzzzzzzzzz kinda boring: No passion.
[To contrast: When The Man and I first met, we didn't get out of bed for the first 6 months (and every time we broke up and got back together). We were so in love that we couldn't keep away from each other. SoB - not so much. Okay, not at all. It was kind of like sleeping next to a brother. That's no good.]
Why am I writing all this? Because this is not my first goat rodeo. I'm jaded and cynical and I look for this kind of shyt (and am usually able to detect it. There is always someone somewhere who can find a loophole.) But... other girlfriends out there might not know these tricks. Girlfriends might not know that these kinda tricks are not only played by little boys over here, but little boys that are in their 40's and beyond. This is a generalization, of course. I FER SURE don't believe that many men play these games; however, some do.
I seriously didn't need this drama this week, but I'm glad it happened and I know. My tarot cards said, "false friends" - God loves me and doesn't want them around. Bada BING.
First I'm so sorry ANYONE could have done this to you. Sadly in this culture, more often than not, kindness as seen as some kind of weakness -- almost a stupidity or something! And as cynical as you might be, you're still a truly kind person. That's just the fact of life. There will always be idiots who come along and think they can take advantage of you. Fortunately you do see through them and you're more familiar with their silly marriage game than even THEY are! I see it so often around here -- the 'love, relationship, gifts, caring, compassion, etc' -- which often translates to 'thanks for keeping me occupied and satisfied for a reasonable rate'. As you know, the Kuwaiti love and the American love rarely look very similar and it takes a lot of time and patience to find someone who isn't a player.
ReplyDeleteOn a far more positive note -- you WILL find that someone who isn't a player. You'll know it immediately because every sentence he speaks won't be followed by a huge question mark in your head. You'll not only feel that passion, but also that comfort of being with your very best friend. So, though this recent event might seem a bit shitty, it's definitely one step closer to something great. Now you just have more experience and knowledge to take with you.
That's so terrible I'm so sorry that happened to that to you. At my university in California I have seen stuff like this happen way too often with international students from the gulf studying abroad. It's really a shame.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the kind words. I'm not naiive, not stupid, and didn't "let" this happen. He was stupid and he asked (he shouldn't have).
ReplyDeleteIt honestly isn't bothering me as I wan't in love and I wasn't planning to marry him. If he's a dishonest/dishonorable person; that isn't about me. Karma always bites you in the ass.
I had a few comments from seemingly young men - and one in particular that I banned from the blog a long time ago as unnecessarily insulting. I would like to say that 1) I don't entertain fools and 2) women are not to blame here. One commenter said, "Girls will keep believing so this will keep happening" (or something equally as backwards. Another brought up the point of religion.
First and foremost, I'm not a girl. I'm a woman.
I don't believe that gender or religion (if you follow religion then you wouldn't have this problem - or something to that affect) have anything to do with it. If a person has lied; they are a liar. If a person is religious (by ANY religion), they do the right thing.
And, I don't mean to Kuwaiti bash. There are good people and bad people everywhere. It just seems like there isn't enough to do in some areas of the world, so games become inventive.
American Girl and Anonymous 11:48 - I really appreciate your kindness. :) Thank you.
ReplyDeleteWay to go Girl .....well done you.
ReplyDeleteI am sure things will improve for you soon andyouwill look back at this with ausement.
Any Chance of a Coffee ?
J.
And now I see my Keyboard is sticking .....or perhaps I cannot smell ...sory Spell !!! Arahhh
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI will try to behave myself when all I really want to do is trash SoB! (@!%*!# &^$!^%)
ReplyDeleteOf course he isn't good enough for you but at least you are out dating and away from “The Man”. This is a positive step.
You deserve someone as special as you are and one day you will find him. xoxo
Expat - I try not to insult the mentally challenged. Really, he is. I don't know that he can even help it. I think he tries to do the right thing, but something has broken in his moral compass. :)
ReplyDeleteDidn't Desert Dawg try and tell you SOB was bad?
ReplyDeletePossumdawg - SOB is stupid, but not unkind or mean-spirited or evil. Desert Dawg liked him, but was reserved around him.
ReplyDeleteCould he be narcissistic DG? I have a friend like this and SOB has many of the same traits from what you have written. My friend is a great person as long as you are part of his fan club. Just a thought. Wish you the best.
ReplyDeletePossumdawg - yes, that could be it. He wasn't selfish in terms of material things, but when it came time to talking, he definately dominated ANY conversation (me, me, me) and was very selfish with time, concern for others, etc.
ReplyDeleteTarot cards... watch out for the police on these things ;)!
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about this moron.
No woman deserves this crap :-(
Sorry :/
At least you could give some words of truth to his new 'companion'.
Thanks Nicole. I think the police in Kuwait have bigger issues than a couple of friends sitting around reading tarot cards or tossing shells (which is the Kuwaiti way of telling fortunes).
ReplyDeleteWe used to go to a different Kuwaiti female friends' home every week to do "faal" (reading of the shells). Similar to runes. No big deal.
None of us do it for money - which would be the biggest concern to authorities, especially if someone is supposedly conning people out of their cash.
I just remember one incident last year where they arrested a woman for having the cards in her purse.
ReplyDeleteAnd I thought, I am glad I didn't try to bring mine into the country... :)
The runes / shells version sounds interesting :)
And no worries with me, I am fine with these things :)
I literally grew up with moving and writing tables (without any money involved either)