The Man used to do this to me almost every time I travelled. He probably had no clue that it upset me so much, but damn - did it ever. It just hurts....
I leave today to go to visit Stella in Germany for a few days and visit Ramstein air force base. Then heading to DC for the AUSA convention, followed by some quality time with the family. Two weeks in total.
Last night, Sothern Bedu calls to tell me he is in "a black mood" and doesn't want me to see him like that. Goes on about troubles at work. Yada. Ok fine. I'm almost biting and almost giving him a pass.... and then he drops the, "... so I'm going out to the guys for sheesha." (and near my house!) Really? Seriously? The night before I leave? Guess you can plan on having intimate relations with your buddies too too cause it aint on with me.
Dayam boy, you do know how to phuck up, don't you?
(Irish/American Indian temper genes set in. I'm not havin it.
He starts explaining (don't you KNOW when to stop???), "... nobody's perfect. I have flaws."
Click.
Here is my philosophy on love relationshits and one partner travelling: He/she should want to spend as much time with the traveller before they leave as possible... IF you love each other. And for a few days following his/her return, maybe the same. Why wouldn't the person that you love want to be with you? I don't get it. Not that I'm clingy or anything (seriously I'm not a clingon).
The Man practically used to drop me off curbside at my house before running away. Wrong wrong wrong: and see where we are now.
I'm tired. Really tired. I need to recharge. I feel like I have a cloud above my head at the moment.
Leeeeee-vin on a jet plane....
I remember waaaay back in 2006 I was leaving Kuwait for what we (former person in my life and I) knew would be at least 3 months -- before I started a new job. I was packing up years worth of belongings, highly depressed, terrified about leaving a job, starting a new one, etc. Not to mention the distance which was going to be between us. The MORNING before I flew he called to tell me he would be with his friends having shisha and would be there in time to take me to the airport. Whaaaaaaaat?!? Devastation doesn't begin to describe how I felt.
ReplyDeleteBut I later kinda realized my leaving for any period of time was very painful for that person as well -- and it was easier on them to avoid the temporary 'goodbye'. Maybe that's what Southern Bedu is experiencing?
Sometimes we get wrapped up in our own needs and feelings and forget that others might be reacting to their own -- in turn hurting us without knowing it. He seems like a great guy... be patient :)
I and my x-wife always ignored red flags in our relationship and pretended it's all great.
ReplyDeleteThat's what got me divorced at age of 21 (Today) and her 28. We had 2 years of married life it was lovingly great however we failed to properly accept what kind of direction we were heading towards and never solved problems rather complicated them.
I believe couples should have an open conversation and not lose control, be honest about what you feel and why you feel such way and ask for each other's help in having unwanted feelings to go or else they will make a wall between the two resulting in seperate ways.
Great luck to you,
A Malik, Sincerely - What's the good in goodbye?
I thought I was the only one out there who felt that way. Why do those idiots not understand that the day before you or they travel is important to be spent with your loved one and not with the "guys" or "playing soccer/online games/going to the farm or desert".
ReplyDeleteYou said it sister! And I really do hope that one day those idiots who we call "men" wake up and smell the coffee.
Hope you have a safe trip Desert Girl :) And enjoy family time and forget about SB
Awwwwww so sorry about this... Been there,done that! Totally hurts but they just don't get it and they never will - don't let it get to ya cuz thats the way they are!!!! Not worth the stress! Safe trip and enjoy:)
ReplyDeleteI think he is not happy about you leaving for 2weeks alone, and some guys just don't know how to say it so they act stupid or do things to hurt you!!
ReplyDeleteHi DG, cloud will pass. Have a good trip. Sometimes we teach people how to treat us, he obviously thinks this is ok to do. Which means you need some work. Higher your standards, take no crap and show them your fiery temper once in a while. Only when it's called for.. of course, like NOW!
ReplyDeletex
lol! have a safe trip
ReplyDeleteyea - i hear ya gal!!! i date an asshole for 2 years who seemed to enjoy his male friends, tv, bed and eerybody & their mother but me!!! i really suspected he was gay or cheatin on me but guess what?? he was simply a Gemini lolll
ReplyDeleteto hell with all those guys who donno how to appreciate and love us because if they don't then they r useless because thats the whole purpose of their existence, nothing else they could be good for
This is inexcusable! What an ASS! How rude and hurtful. I know some will say it's their culture but F him and just have a fantastic time. I would make him squirm with jealousy with Tall Tales until you get back. ;P Buuuuuuut I'm just evil so have fun and enjoy your trip. You can deal with him when you get back.
ReplyDeleteBeing the one with the 'black mood,' I'd choose shisha with friends over pre-goodbye intimacy, too. It's not personal...at least not for me. It's baggage. Mine.
ReplyDeleteMe and my hero had to figure out how to deal with my "goodbye blues" in a way that didn't bring us to the brink of divorce everytime he traveled. We managed, but I still hate goodbyes more than just about anything.
(Hope your trip is good)
I'm sorry, you seem to not see that this guy treats you like a "Call-girl" and a lot less like a "Girlfriend" It's honestly mind boggling why you're still with him? (Actually, no. You've got a serious Bedu fetish, which is what I believe blinds you)
ReplyDeleteI honestly hope you wake up and find someone better for you, because with this guy it seems like you'll only find heartache.
OK I have a COMPLETELY different idea compared to the comments you are getting. You have to remember WHO he is spending that'daybefore you leave time' with. His BUDDIES, I don't care how old some men get, they still care more about their friends opinions and taunts then spending the time with her If he was with his family or completely alone then maybe there is some pity me time for him But men here can be merciless , making fun of the guys and the wives p-whipping them.
ReplyDeleteI hear it all the time, the couple gets married and he takes off with his friends all the time, fishing, movies etc. Otherwise they make fun endlessly. anyway just thought I would throw in my 2 cents. Now I can go bake my bagels. Gail
I so hear ya! I married a bf of mine who did this to me and divorced him because it only gets worse- leave him before you get tortured emotionally and physically by him-- Nothing Will change their mentality- it gets worse when you are married to them since they think they own you and their laws clearly state that woman must obey her husband and take permission from him when she wants to go out!!! They are different when they marry with their wives! It's always about them! So not marriage material.
ReplyDeleteThink carefully before you tie the know please!
So what's happening with SB?
ReplyDelete