"Quality" 1-on-1

I met a new friend (and that’s it – friend) for coffee yesterday. I met him in the afternoon, so it wouldn’t be considered a Valentine’s date. It turned out not only to be completely un-romantic, but one of the few occasions where I was actually bored to the point of nodding off. I can usually find some redeeming quality about a person or else I just won’t go out with them at all – why bother. In this case, my friend is great on the phone or in a group of people – full of interesting things to say – but in person 1-on-1, not a whole lot of redeeming qualities – other than the fact he is fun to look at.

“I don’t want to sit outside. People will see us.” Gee, too bad Starfucks doesn’t have cabinas, right? He woulda been leading me by the arm. (Desert Girl don’t do cabinas, by the way. NEVER.)

He hit all the points that are not open for discussion in polite company: Sex, religion, and politics. He moved quickly from a detailed, lengthy discussion on Islam (more of a sermon than a chat – although, ironically, he mentioned that he doesn’t pray) to a quick comment about my breasts (interesting segue). He shunned the Valentine’s menu that was put in front of us, “Valentine’s day is haram.” (also know as “I’m cheap.”). He talked about “our traditions” for 30 minutes without coming up for air (after ogling my breastssssesss). Did you ever consider the traditions of the country where I’m from? (He studied in the UK for many years and sought me out because I’m American. Any relationship is about compromise.) RRRR. He didn’t know who was sitting in front of him? Where do I come from? Ok, if you’re not up for Valentine’s day – big whoop. I don’t care. Don't bring me flowers or candy or a teddy bear - Je ne care pas. Just don’t lecture ME.

This was peppered with comments about how wonderful his family is, “Ask about us, please.” Apparently, they are THE best family in Kuwait (and don’t they know it too).

He did acknowledge that he cheats on his wife (Valentine’s day is “haram” but apparently adultery is not; nor is drinking because he acknowledged that too). The former acknowledgement was revealed when he discussed “his women”. "My girlfriends (as in plural)get mad at me because I'm not romantic (aka cheap). Women like me because I take care of them and give them money. All the women I meet want to marry me.” Sans one, dude. Got my own money and I don’t want you. (Did I forget to mention that we are JUST friends??!)

And on the subject of women…. “All women except for my mother are liars.” (I’m frickin giggling in my chair at this point because what do you do?) I agreed with him in total: ‘Yes, its true. All women are liars. I know I am. God, you’re so smart and you turn me on. Just listening to you makes me want to bite your clothes off. Take me, you handsome stud…’ (He didn’t get it. He thought it was a come-on.)

Some people are totally different when you are having a 1-on-1 conversation with them. Who woulda thunk it?

Ok, so yeah, this shit wasn’t predictable. I give you that.