Pornbomb

I learn a lot from CSI. For example, the other night I watched CSI Miami and I learned about a “pornbomb” or “pornado”. This has led to all other kinds of things (like me calling my girlfriends up in the middle of the night, giggling, just to be able to call them a “whorenado”; leading to lots of name calling like “whoricane” and “whorecano” etc.). A pornbomb or pornado, by-the-by, is when someone sends someone else an e-mail that explodes with erotic photos all over your screen. When you try to get rid of it or start deleting them, it only makes it worse. Very interesting.

CSI fascinates me. When I go to the US and there is a CSI marathon (for example) on the Spike Channel (which is supposedly a guys channel, so therefore I must be a guy), I sit in front of the TV in my boxers scratching my balls… no… wait a minute…. I sit there in my make-up (lots of lip gloss) and my hair done, wearing my Victoria’s Secret deep-plunge-something lingerie with plenty of feather pillows nearby just incase one of my girlfriends drops by and we get into a fight. Yeah. That’s it.

Who says girls can’t be into (perceived) guy things? Huh? Who said? I’ll beat the crap out of them.

Which reminds me of something – I have a friend who is so mad at his boss (with good reason – the guy is a butthole) that he called me to tell me that he and one of his equally warped friends are going to buy abayas and niqab to wear when they either beat-the-crap-out-of or scare-the-crap-out-of his boss. That cracked me up. The thought of two big men in abayas bitch-slapping some unaware white dude just makes me giggle. They are too chicken shit to do it, but regardless, it is funny.

My right eye has been blinking for 2 days (which is supposed to mean that good news is coming). As if it isn’t already bad enough around here – I’m pretty sure men are thinking I am trying to pick them up now because of the constant winking. WTF. Why do these things only happen to me?

I’m hungry. For some reason, The Romanian and I have been on a pineapple fried rice binge for the past several weeks. We went to Abu Dhabi – we searched for pineapple fried rice; all we found were STRONG mixed cocktails (thanks to my new bartender friend at the Hilton) and pad Thai. We got back here, we searched for pineapple fried rice (no cocktails, but good PFR at the Oriental Cuisine restaurant in Dasman). Nobody around these parts really knows how to make good PFR anyhoo. It is supposed to be served IN a pineapple. Don’t they know that?

Abu Dhabi was da bomb (lots of bombs in this post, eh?). I had a lot of work to do there, but lots of good times too. If you are ever in Abu Dhabi, the Emirates Palace is awesome. Even if you just go for coffee, it is amazing. Abu Dhabi is nice, but kind of backwards in a way. You hardly see any women driving and almost none out at night. Everybody thought we were Russian hookers; Even the Indian and Egyptian guys were trying. The Romanian can put any man to shame cursing in Arabic and she let them have it. We’re not hookers, but damn if we can’t swear like them! I would have thown my shoes, but I like my shoes too much. In reference to the male Emiratis: The Emirati mens down there are kind of cold. Sorry to say it, but it is true. Quite unable to approach. It is a very bad place to go for geezing. No Bluetooth. No sideways glances and direct-eye-contact smiles. We got geezed just getting off of the plane in Kuwait and both of us sighed with relief that we were back home where the men are men and the sheep are scared.

I have business in Qatar next. I have a whole LOT of friends there who I haven't seen in decades. I can get into trouble in any Gulf country - why limit myself?

My phone bill last month was 200 KD. That is a personal record. I can’t even blame it on business calls. It was the 4 hour phone calls to my new best friend (even though we hung up and took turns calling each other – I guess her phone bill must have been equally as high). Did I say 4 hours? Yes, I did. Even when I was a teenaged girl, I never talked to anyone that long. I had some marathon phone calls to boyz, but never for 4 hours. Let’s just say that we have had a lot to talk about. I am totally in love with this new friend. I never thought in a million years that I would like her so much – or that we would have so many things in common – or that we would make each other laugh until it hurts. I know, sick individuals like Purgy are going to read something sexual into it. Au contraire. Sometimes you just meet people that you feel like you have missed your whole life and didn’t know it. I call her “Sheherazade” because every night is another story and I am totally hooked: maybe the phone calls will stop after 1001 nights!

Anyways, things could have been so different if we had met each other before. Our lives would have been affected in different ways: probably for the better. It would have positively affected several other lives as well. Honesty and communication are the keys to healthy relationships and thats all it would have taken. But you know – everything happens for a reason. God has a plan. Maybe you only meet X to help Y. One never knows, do one?

By the way, I had a great time on my birthday. (I haven’t had too much time to write about all the stuff I should.) Bobarino arranged the whole thing at Sakura (of COURSE). They were so nice to me there with a big “Happy Birthday (Desert Girl)” banner and flowers and martini glasses filled with red water with candles in them that looked like cosmos! Who was there? Slapperella and Zaitoon, Bunny, Romanian and some guy (she met when she got arrested at the airport for not paying her MTC bill on our way to Abu Dhabi), The Sheikha, the 2 Brazillians, their husbands, E&D, my Blondie friend, and a Nasser friend (not Naz – as he and Mrs. Naz were suspiciously absent). Fishgirl had just returned from a trip, so she wasn’t there either. I invited Sheherazade and her friend, but they couldn’t make it. I also had a little hook-up with the Psychic Bedu, but he dissed me right before the Abu Dhabi trip and so he wasn’t invited to the gala. Alas, the hook-up pretty much ruined a great friendship. I should have waited until after my birthday. Duuuh. I’ve never been good about timing. Maybe we can be friends later. Dunno.