Ostara: "A time of fertility and sacred balance between night and day... renewal. Flowers, eggs, and rabbits (all things that I love) are symbols of Ostara. It is a time of new beginnings and possibilities. Ostara is a time of deep gratitude. It is a time of celebration, as the light tips the balance and overtakes the night..."
I usually love this time of year. Everybody knows I love Spring.
And perhaps what I have encountered recently is all part of Spring and the cycle of life; of "light" revealing what was lurking in the darkness: When people aren’t who you thought they were. When words you believed in with pieces of your soul turn into well-calculated lies. When good things turn bad; and bad things turn around in ways that you never would have imagined could be so good (often seeming almost heavenly in warmth and kindness). When what you spent so long wishing for, hoping for and praying for becomes reality – but in all the wrong ways and for all the wrong reasons; and is suddenly so WRONG. Everything feels strange right now.
And Nothing I believed about a very large part of my life was reality.
I have discovered things that question my judgment and leave me confused. I wonder how I could genuinely believe that a person was good, only to find that I was entirely wrong. I thought I was much more perceptive.
So, in order to combat evil, I have been exceptionally nice to people this past week. I am trying to do the right thing and not to hurt anyone. I’ve been working harder trying to fix some problems at work and trying to help people who need me. I am thanking God often for what I have (including some wonderful people and several recently-sent angels) and what He has shown me. I'm weeding out people who aren't really my friends and trying to work harder at communicating with those who are. What else can you do?
Slapperella and the Romanian are always by my side; partners in crime and everything else. They are both depressed and weery from the drama: If something happens to one, it happens to all. It kind of goes without saying. Desert Dawg has been very supportive. She sleeps next to me and tries to protect me from all the bad things in my head. She instinctively seems to know when I’m about to cry and puts her little dog hands on my face. I honestly don’t know what I would do without her. Late night when everybody else goes away, she is always within reach.
I guess sometimes you just have to see what is going to happen next and let the tide take you. There just seems to be a whole lot of it all at once. Spring is the time for new beginnings and changes. I know who I am. I believe it must be part of a plan.
Like what you said hun, it is part of a plan. An ultimate plan we just cant always understand and sometimes never will.
ReplyDeleteLife is full of those unexpected downfalls, and it happens just when u think everyrhing is perfect or at least it looks that way on the surface.
I have had my share of fake reality, and its hard to work through it, but most of the time it teaches u something. Something worth learning! Life is never easy and sometimes God puts u through challenges just to see how tough and faithful you are. So keep your head up girl and you will get through it. Its good to know u have friends by your side, and your faithful companion- Desert Dawg to keep you warm on those lonely nights. :) Some ppl say its not good to shed tears, but I kinda think its the opposite. You need to get out all of those feelings and sometimes crying washes all the hurt away and eventually all those bad feelings just fade.......
Good luck and try to smile. I dont know your situation, but tough times are tough times no matter who u are.....
Hey DG,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry I didn't reply to your comment on my blog. I have been away, but I have since rectified my errors. I have waited awhile to reply to this post because there seems to be so much lying beneath the skin of your words. You seem rather pensive and down. I certainly can relate. When people whom you thought were close turn out to be someone else, it makes you question yourself. Don't. There are always folks like this out there, and sometimes there are valid reasons for their chameleon ways.
I always pray for God to give me what is best for me...although I never really know what that might be.
Do a lot of deep-breathing, and get a lot of sunshine. Best wishes!
Hi, i just discovered ur page out of pure hazard and it atracted me into reading around, i like the way you write :) and i loved the way u talked abt spring and i was surprised when i found out u have romanian friends..and u get along well :), i was very nicely surprised :) i am romanian too lol, it never crossed my mind a kuwait girl with romanian friends ..in america:P ...yeah now i know :) nice! :)
ReplyDelete