My Nephew is the Most Amazing Man I Know

My 11-year-old nephew is amazing. Somehow, he is a 40 year old guy in a kid’s body. He’s always been smarter than his age and very insightful. I tell him all the time that I am his real mother (everybody says he looks just like me). ‘Ace (his nickname)…. I need tell you something…. Now, you know that I travel a lot and my life isn’t right for children.’ “Okaaaayyy….” ‘Well, when you were born, I gave you to my sister to raise. I’m just not good with children and I think she has done a great job with you. I am so proud of you, my son…’ He’s like, “Yeah, mom, I know.” Then he proceeds to spend the next year telling my sister that he doesn’t have to do his homework because, “My real mom wouldn’t want me to.” Or that he can drink the 2 liter bottle of Pepsi because, “My real mom lets me do it.” Ah, I love messin’ with people’s heads – kids are the best, don’t you think?

Anyhoo, this was his recent school paper on his future:

My high school life will be great, but it will have a lot of stress. I will be preparing for college and finding lots of time to have fun. I hope to have plenty of close friends and to be known through out the school. I will be on the varsity football team and captain of the hockey team. My teachers will be usually nice and only the occasionally not so great teacher. The parties and the people will be wild. (He really IS my son!) While in high school I will have job at the ice rink teaching skating and instructing hockey. I will most likely get my own place when I’m eighteen or nineteen (no, he won’t. No one to wash his clothes), go to college on a full scholarship for hockey. From there I will be drafted to play for the New York Rangers. (You go, booooyyyy!)
Once I’m very rich I will travel a lot no care in the world, no place to be, time will be a distant memory no more worries about not having enough time or too much time I will just be. Mainly I will travel to Ireland and Scotland where life is simpler. (Says who?) I will never have an official place I will call home. For example maybe one year I will stay in Canada then the next Alaska I will not go back to anywhere it will always be “so where should I go next?” on holidays I would make exceptions to go where my family is. Money will not be an issue because every where I go I will get a house and sell it or occasionally let people rent it out. Every where I go I will try to help people and donate to charities and help rebuild houses, do whatever I can do to help the people in need (I love him so much.).

When I am about forty, I will move to California and go to director school to become a director. (that’s what I want to do) I will make tons of great movies all academy award winning. I will be bigger then Mel Gibson and the man who created Star Wars. One day I will finally meet Mel Gibson the director I idolize. There in California I will meet a beautiful woman named Roxana and we will get married in Ireland and have two boys in Scotland. We will finally settle down in Ireland but we will spend our summers in Canada, Scotland and Alaska. We will still go see my family and relatives from time to time .For my fifty third birthday I will travel one last time alone to Scotland and look at back at my truly amazing life.

I never knew some of this stuff (I am a terrible play-mother). Why Mel Gibson? Why Scotland and Ireland? (I love them by the way – for no other reasons than trashy romance novels; rogues and all that.) Why Roxana?

I just checked out Aceituna’s blog, Woman on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, which I am narcissistic enough to assume is all about ME; hence the title. She totally reminded me of something I wanted to mention about Brokeback Mountain…… Was the first scene when they are “gettin’ it” more like kickin' someone’s ass rather than lovin’ it? Ok, I couldn’t tell at first, but it appeared to me to be 2 guys beating each other up (in the non-sexual sense of the term) rather than being romantic. (The first time I saw it I was on a plane to the US and the guy next to me looked all nervous, so I turned it off after the first "love" scene; and watched it on the way back to Kuwait.) I can’t remember at time when I, personally, ever started a romantic encounter that way. Now, I’m not saying that it didn’t later turn into hair pulling, smacking-around (non-violent – just fun), but it never started that way. And hey – when is it ever romantic to actually punch someone in bed (or on a bedroll or wherever)? I would just grab my ice pick from under the mattress and….. oh wait… that was someone else’s life. Nevermind.

I saw “The New World” the other night. It sucked. I went in for an uplifting experience. NOT. I bought “The Queen” from DVD guy. It was kind of slow, but very good. I had to keep reminding myself that the actress wasn’t the real queen. Borat is sitting on my dining room table and I can’t wait to watch that to see what all the hullabaloo is about (hey – spell check just fixed my hullabaloo. I didn’t even think it was a real word. Let me try “hooey”… holy shit, it is!).