Getting Old Just Sucks for Everybody Involved

 My mom (89) moved into assisted living (by her choice) a few months ago. It has been really hard.   After a few bad falls at her condo, she needed 24/7 care to help her get around.  Staying home for almost a year during COVID had a negative affect on her mobility.  She used to be able to walk several miles around the lake where she lived.  It was hard for her to get to the kitchen alone.  She hated moving out of the beautiful condo with a direct view to the lake where she would sit and watch the beautiful sunsets and changing of seasons.   

I was the one who orchestrated (with her help) giving things away and storing others; effectively dismantling her life for the move. She was a beauty queen in her 20s and 30s and later a decorated journalist that traveled the world (often taking me with her). Newspaper and magazine articles, photos, and a lifetime of memories locked in things she loved or had loved had to be sent to different corners. I was thankful that we were able to sift through it all together:  If I had had to separate the pieces of her life after she had passed, I would be inconsolable and most likely, just put everything into a storage unit until I could deal with it,  potentially years later.  

It has been hard watching my mom’s health decline - and sometimes, when she gets tired, her memory.  I find myself getting really angry and frustrated when I'm around her and I have had to stop and question why am I doing that? What the Hell is wrong with me that I would get angry at my mother - a helpless little old lady?! But I have figured it out: she has been my best friend all of my adult life and I am angry that my energetic, vibrant, active, social buddy has gone somewhere. It is completely stupid and awful, but now that I know why I do what I do and have discussed it with her.  The irony of it is that she said she has always understood why I feel the way I do - and she has just been patient with ME.

You just don't know all that happens - or how you will react - when your parents get old. I NEVER let her want for anything. I am there for her 24/7 and she knows it. I bring her flowers every week. I stock her refrigerator and make sure she has enough Ensure and snacks.  My sister visits often and got her an electric wheelchair so she can get around the building freely.  Mom has almost mastered it (which was difficult because she never has had the coordination enough to drive a car).  Her friends visit her weekly and even though she has a hard time talking, they call her often. Mom is also cared for by some incredibly kind and loving care givers where she lives. They make her coffee in the morning and help her get into bed at night (and everything with a push of a button in-between).  Some of them call her, “grandmother” and tell her that they love her.   

Mom’s brother, my Uncle Doc (also in his 80’s) drove with my cousin to Virginia from their home in Florida just to see her for a day on her birthday.  He is in similar shape, although his memory is failing fast.   I’m glad that they got to see each other.  They both worry about each other constantly.  Uncle Doc asked me if she is “terminal.”  I answered that we are all terminal in old age. 

You always think that you have more time.  You think that the dinners out and shopping and going for drives to the mountains will continue.  But then, just like that, they’re not able to do it anymore. 

Promoting local artist in Kuwait

 Someone asked me recently about where to get a painting of Kuwait by a local artist (not necessarily a Kuwaiti artist).  Well, here ya go....

Touch of Hope Kuwait Animal Shelter Needs Your Help!

 Please SHARE this everywhere:

Touch of Hope is an animal shelter in Kuwait. (Instagram @ touch_of_hope_q8) run completely off donations and volunteers. People think, "Why help Kuwait? It is a rich country. They should take care of their own animals." Well, ZERO money is allocated to the welfare of animals in Kuwait by their government and pets are often dumped, neglected, and abused (I'm not going to be graphic, but it is BAD and it happens often). ToH works with Wings of Love Kuwait (a Baltimore-based shelter) (Instagram @ wingsoflovekuwait) to bring pets to the US to rehome. (Both run off separate entity donations.)  Check out their accounts for photos and videos of their amazing work.

Touch of Hope Kuwait animal shelter is being evicted and is in urgent need of aid! They've found a new place to create a shelter, but it needs a LOT of work and Kuwait summer (think 120F!) is quickly approaching. Any help is greatly appreciated! $5/$10 - anything will help. 

GoFundMe  

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-stray-animals-evicted-from-their-shelter?fbclid=IwAR1ao5fC2qbvc2f1cQ1gzuOzYrkb2B9fWZuBc8WatQYPZy3gzDJpjRljFYk

A large number of rescued dogs, cats, and a horse have lost their home after an eviction notice was served at the farm in Kuwait that serves as their sanctuary.  Can you help these helpless souls?

An amazing woman named Marlene has dedicated her life to the injured, abused, and abandoned animals of Kuwait.  For years she and her elderly mother have been renting a rundown farm in the desert, just so she has room for her many rescued animals.  She works around the clock, in very challenging conditions, and receives no official funding or support.  Nevertheless, Marlene puts a positive spin on her life.  She calls her animal rescue effort Touch of Hope.  With love and tender care she rehabilitates her rescues and prepares them to be adopted into loving, permanent homes.

But tough times for Marlene and her mom just seem to always get tougher.  Due to budget cuts at her company, Marlene lost her job.  Her old car overheated and caught fire on a dusty desert road and was damaged beyond repair.  The pandemic has made things even more difficult.  Huge numbers of house pets are being dumped on the street, and with many new rescues, Marlene's pet food and vet bills have skyrocketed.  Despite all this, she never closes her eyes or her heart to an animal in need.  It has only been by borrowing money and with limited help through fundraising and donations from some local animal-lovers that Marlene manages to continue caring for the animals and giving them a touch of hope.

On August 6, 2020, Marlene received tragic news from her family in her native Lebanon.  Her home, located near the port of Beirut, was completely destroyed in the devastating explosions.

Just when it seemed things couldn't get worse, Marlene received a notice for IMMEDIATE EVICTION from her Kuwaiti landlord.  She frantically began searching for another farm.  Options are extremely limited and she was forced to rent a place that is badly in need of work.  At least $20,000 is needed in order to make it secure and habitable.

Please help.  ANY donation, no matter how small, will be greatly appreciated.  We can't let these animals down, they have already suffered enough!  TOGETHER we can make a difference and enable Touch of Hope to continue its vital mission.

Please share this campaign with all your contacts.  Thank you for caring and God bless you.

For more information please see: Instagram @touch_of_hope_q8

Yo, Expat! Are you staying or going?

Mark at 2:48AM blog has a very interesting post recently (https://248am.com/mark/personal/us-vs-them/).  He is thinking of leaving Kuwait.  I think many lifelong or long-term expats have either left by now or are battling with themselves on whether to stay or leave.  In Mark's case, he was born in Kuwait and his mother and father were in Kuwait long before that.  

His post inspired me to write this post.

It is a hard decision.  I think it is harder when you wallow in an uncomfortable situation; not feeling happy and somewhat apprehentious about what may happen when  you leave. Or where you will go.  Or what kind of a job you will find.  And you can't have the same things as you have had in Kuwait (like a maid or cheap healthcare and insurance).  And where you go:  paying taxes, paying for air for tires using a credit card at the gas station, vet bills in the thousands....etc, etc. (More of that for future posts.) 

Kind of like a bad romance.  You've been with that person for a very long time.  You know you should go (and your departure will be inevitable someday), but the constancy of it leaves you in limbo.  You are comfortable in your discontent somehow.  Kind of paralized in it all.

How many more expats are going through the same thing?  Is it just the pandemic that is making it so bad?  Or at least you tell yourself that.  But really - it was getting uncomfortable even before. The pandemic has just made it really hard with people losing jobs or having their salaries cut so it pushes the decision to stay or go to the forefront.   

Disclaimer:  Don't get me wrong.  I still love Kuwait (and God knows how much I miss the country and my friends and adopted Kuwaiti families)  but the country has changed a lot since I initially washed up on it's shores in 1993.  (I moved to Kuwait in 1996.)

 

I wrote a post about the reasons I would leave Kuwait - back in October of 2017.  I left Kuwait (physically) in December of 2017, to work remotely from the US with travel to the UAE and other places when requested.   I was back and forth between Kuwait and the US after that; and just before the pandemic hit hard in early 2020.  I am so grateful that I moved house out of Kuwait when I did.  Perfect timing.

Sidebar:  Seriously, how many of us can just work remotely just using e-mail?  I mean, if the pandemic has taught us anything, it is that working remotely works.  Case in point:  I was working on a contract recently and thought that the woman was in Kuwait (I was calling her Kuwait number).  We got to talking and she told me that she is actually in Georgia.  I said, "Girl!  Give me your number, I'm in Virginia!"  Another associate turned out to be working from London while I was calling him on a Kuwaiti number.  Another, two towns away from me in Virginia.

 

I went through the process of getting quotes from shipping companies for my household goods and car to actually doing it - shipping it all.  I had a whopping seven suitcases I would take back with me on the plane, plus the cat and the dog.  The logistics!!   I downsized a LOT.  I couldn't stand the thought of  selling my things to bargain-hangry buyers, so my process was, "Things I love to people I love."  My friends came over and post-it-noted their names on things they wanted.   The purge continued for 2 months - and I still ended up with a 40' container back to the US.   (I wish I had taken more of some things and I equally wish I had purged more of others.)  The ship takes 2 months to arrive with the container, so I brought lots of clothes in check-in luggage.

Only my really close friends knew that I was leaving "for good."  I had lunch with the man who basically brought me to Kuwait the first time in 1993.  He asked me why I was leaving and I told him that I was no longer comfortable living there.  I felt unwelcomed (in general - as an expat).  That I was feeling more doom and gloom than joy and contentment.  And.... I didn't like the expat-bashing trend; especially by members of parliament and government; those with a short memory of the events that transpired in 90/91.  The kind of people who forget their friends.  His response was, "Oh, but they don't mean Americans or Brits...."  I believe the word "expat" is all-encompassing of foreigners in Kuwait, so when a politician calls Expats, "bacteria," I take offense to it.

A million times over the years I was asked, "Are you planning to leave Kuwait someday?"  My response was, "Whenever I decide it is time to go."  

Time to go...

Time to be with my family.  Time to buy property that is in my name with a huge yard so that my dog has a real understanding of grass and playtime.  Time to pay into my eventual retirement. Time to breathe in clean air and be surrounded by trees and green and birds (and in my neighborhood - foxes and deer and skunks and bald eagles).  A different kind of natural beauty where people don't litter or pollute (at least where I live).  

A lot has happened since I've been away (even though I came back to Virginia every summer on annual leave).  My nephew has grown into a man with his own daughter, home and business.  My mom has aged and counts on me to help her.  Some of the friends that I had have died.  Others have just moved on with their lives; marriages, children, divorces.  Oh and the time that I spent on summer vacations from Kuwait that I always spent visiting my family has turned into reeeeally nice family travel vacations together.  

I'm going to write a separate post(s) about the transition and my reverse culture shock.  And of course, the things I miss in Kuwait.  It has been a journey.  How do I feel now, three years (I can't believe it!) later:  Content.  Grounded. Secure. 

Why am I posting this now?  Well, inspiration from Mark's post and it's follow-on comments by expats for one.  I have been in discussions with friends still in limbo in Kuwait wondering if they should leave.  I know many expats are weighing the decision, so maybe this will get them thinking.  Or maybe they'll get some comfort in knowing that they're not alone.  A little support perhaps.

Free Flight to DC - IAD