I Saw A Bear

I went to Skyline Drive in Shenandoah in Virginia with my mother. It is about 100 miles of road around and on the top of a mountain range that is all inside of a national park. It is only a 2 hour drive from DC.

I saw a lot of deer - which isn't that remarkable really since we feed the deer outside our house every night at 5:00. This year, there is a very large family of deer including a 4-point buck and 2 spotted babies. Anyhoo (back to our story), I really wanted to see a bear while we were there in the mountains and today I did: He was a pretty big black bear with the cutest ears. He walked/lumbered across the road right in front of the car. I stopped (stupid tourists) and he looked at me from the side of the road, seated in a bunch of tall ferns and weeds. He was pudgy in a kind of Winney The Pooh way, with fluffy ears. It was so cool. It is one thing to see them in a zoo, but when you are up close and they are wild and not pacing back and forth in some enclosure - it is really something else.

I'm going to my sisters beach house in Ocean City tomorrow for more crabs and just hanging out. There is usually way too much wine consumption and lots of laughs, even though I hate the drive over there through traffic.

The Romanian is in Romania for a while with capilu and her sister visiting her mom. Poor Slapperella is alone to fend for herself and I am worried about her mental health. I'll be back soon! Hang in there, girl! We'll go to Dubai and everything will be ok in the world again. I promise! Next year, you can come here with me and we can drink French martinis and look at bears and wild horses together. It will be okay!

What do you do when you don't have an ass?

Not that I have that problem. Quite the contrary, in fact. I have "junk in the trunk". My ass can even be used as a floatation device. Don't ask me how I know this, but if you do, it took place with the help of a bottle of Grey Goose and a lot of salt in the water.

The picture does not pertain to my problem, but to my no-assed friend. I’m here in the States and I just happened to run across this device that she has been searching for for the past several years - taking us through many trips to souq shaabi and various questionable "undergarment" shops throughout Kuwait. Our quest was ended when I found the “enhancing panty” by Rago in one of my mothers 4 million catalogs. (I swear, every catalog in America eventually ends up in my mothers mailbox.) This item was found in - of all weird places - a catalog for footwear (go figure!) Today, because I love my friend, I purchased the Rago Enhancing Panty. I hope that this will end her constant carrying on about how she doesn’t have an ass.

If anyone knows my circle of friends – you’ll immediately know who I’m talking about.

I’m still in Virginia. We spent a week at Corolla Light in the Outer Banks of North Carolina. I think we’re going to rent the house again next year. It is huBUNGous. 3 levels and can sleep about 20 people. I've been to a lot of nice hotels before, and this house was more luxerious in many ways. The bedroom suites were enormous and the house had the most sophisticated electronics system that I've ever seen. We couldn't figure a lot of it out, unfortunately.

They have wild mustangs on the island and after a brief drive down the beach in my sisters Range Rover (which was overtaken by another no-doubt beer drinking woman in a Ford 4x), we spotted 2 different “families” of mustangs. They go down to the beach to stand together and watch the sunset. We watched as a bunch of people on a sanddune were looking at one mustang family. The stallion was trying to lead the mares and young horses out onto the beach and one Jersey-looking guy wouldn’t move; so the horse proceeded to bite dude on the ass (there seems to be an ass theme going on here, doesn’t there????). It was hilarious. We had been drinking a lot (my sober brother-in-law was driving) and this sent my sisters and I into a giggle fit.

The outer banks are amazing. The waves were really big and the beach was so clean. I love it there. I've also never been anywhere where they had so many dragon flies; and they were so big! They were like bats fling around or something. We sat on the top floor of the house every night at sunset to watch the sun go down, talk and have drinks. There was a big lighthouse behind us and the scenery couldn't have been nicer. It is the same area where the movie, "Message in a Bottle" was based.

I’m taking my mother to the mountains at Skyline Drive in Shenandoah this coming week. I haven’t been there for years. I used to go there with a Saudi guy I was dating (but that’s another story). My mom has pneumonia. She’s doing better. I hope she’ll feel ok by the time for the trip. We are going to try to go to my sister’s beach house in Ocean City after that.

I’m loving the new Mercedes. I don’t know how I am going to go back to Kuwait and drive anything else. I’ve driven a lot of fast cars, but this one blows everything else away by far. I got over my initial nervousness about driving it right after I blew a guy away in a Porche.

Other than that, I am drinking French martinis, red wine, and tequilla sunrises - and the occasional mojito (yummm). I'm shopping every day and talking to my old friends and loving the greenery.

Life is good.