After Christmas - Emerging from THE FUNK

I have been stressed, so I made a reservation for hot stone massage at the Palms’ Orchid Spa (at 25 kd). Big mistake. Before the masseuse even touched me, there were multiple things wrong: The robe was too small and really cheap quality; there were pull-curtains in the “relaxation lobby” that reminded me of the gynecologists’ (or dentist) office; I got into the massage room and it was cold – with a large window across 1 entire wall; the 2 Asian women (the masseuse and someone who was just there to stare at me) asked me to disrobe in front of them and get my bigfatderrier on the table; and then the masseuse poured cold oil on me. Even the stones were luke-warm! What is UP with that? When I left, I asked for the name of the GM and get this – no one could answer me! They just stared. Apparently, the Palms doesn’t HAVE a GM – only an Acting GM, who is actually their chief bean-counter.

Opening scene, sometime around Christmas: Brigit Jones is on her sofa: puffy face, red eyes, Kleenex everywhere, crying her eyes out to the theme of some pathetic love song. That was me, Christmas morning. I said I wouldn’t do it again, and I did – I was here for Christmas. I should have just shot myself (as many people do during the holidays). It would have been quicker and easier (on my friends). God, I’m pathetic. My poor dog didn’t even know what to do with me. I should have just gone back to see my parents. How stupid was that?

Christmas Eve, I took my female friend out to a very romantic dinner at the Blue Elephant at the Hilton (which was excellent) because my part time boyfriend / best friend was too sick to go out. I will give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he was indeed sick (although he did call me from his car). It is now the 27th and he still hasn’t appeared on the scene. I AM turning into Brigit Jones, “Will he call? Won’t he call?” Damn girl – WHO CARES?

Needless to say, He didn’t bother to get me a Christmas present even though he is accumulating quite a stash of cool Dunhill accessories (I can’t help it – I love Dunhill guy stuff). Just buying it is fun. (Back to me…) All I wanted was something small and THOUGHTFUL, damn it!

I almost hit the bottle Christmas morning, but I felt bad for poor Jose because he has had a workout lately. Besides, it just isn’t a good breakfast drink for me anymore. Tequilla and corn flakes left a bad taste in my mouth.

I have 2 New Year’s resolutions: I will lose weight (how is questionable). I will spend more time with people I like (like Jose?).

I went for a walk last night in front of the Scientific Center. It was freezing cold and very windy, so there was almost no one out. I love it like that. There was an enormous full moon and the water was very rough and looked bright green. It was so peaceful and beautiful and to top the whole walk off – a big albatross flew in front of my dog and I, singing/squawking and flew off into the trees. It was amazing and magical and made me forget what a pathetic holiday I had.

The Federal Express care/gift box from my family also arrived yesterday. In it was all kinds of cool and amazing stuff: Like shredded balsam fir trees in a bag of potpourri and earrings from Tiffany’s from my mother; and family pictures in frames and CD’s and other assorted wonderful things.

I guess I’m not so pathetic.

I still have more than those poor Bengali guys in my neighborhood who have to dig through the trash to find warmer clothes. I actually went out and bought a whole new outfit for one guy about 2 months ago and I have it in the back of my car waiting to see him again. He told me that he only makes 20 kd a month. X-type dickhead mo-fo HR Manager makes 4000 kd a month. Why can’t HE be made to live off of other people’s trash? He’s a lot more deserving of that life.

Go to your happy place, Desert Girl!!!

What are your thoughts on pantyhose?

Ok, it is still too hot to be wearing them, but the real question is - to wear them at all in a place like Kuwait? Are they appreciated by the masses? Do other women wear hose in Kuwait (who are not nurses or women going to parties)? What are men's feelings on the wearing of pantyhose? To hose or not to hose? I'm not talking about fishnet hose (which are in a totally different category) - but regular wear-to-work type.

What I had for dinner last night: a Tennessee Jack burger from TGI Fridays. I hadn't been there in a really long time. (I can meet men the normal way, thank you.) Tell me - when did Fridays turn into an Arab nightclub? When are they going to start serving mezza? The country is just screaming for alcohol, isn't it? The music was up full-blast (all Arabic), there were several dudes at the bar and in all honesty - they looked like they were pretending to be drunk (slouching over in their chairs with half-opened eyes)! What is the deal with that? At least I didn't see any of the former rude Egyptian waiters. And, we didn't go on Hailag Night Out (Tuesday) which is when most of the trash goes hunting.

I don't really have anything good to bitch about today except for the usual: Linda talking too damn much about the stupid Nissans from Al Babtain on FM99.7. I swear I will never buy a Nissan from Al Babtain on principle - just because they thoroughly piss me off every single morning. Play some damn music, Linda! BTW - I do like Linda a lot: she really cares about the people of Kuwait and she has a white heart. She just talks too much. And stop playing that "I'm a big big girl in a big big world" song. What tha F is that??? Traffic was actually pretty good today on my way to work. I was late getting into work today because I have an intimate relationship with my snooze button.

I learned of the phrase "chicken nugget" on The Multicultural Kuwaiti forum 3 days ago and it has now become my absolute favorite term! Do they have a term for Americans who pretend to be too Kuwaiti/Arab? I know of quite a few of them; especially several dumbass trailer girls who have married Kuwaitis and every other word out of their mouths is "Mashallah!" (but you have to say it with a southern accent like "Maw shaw laaaaah"). I don't subject the natives to my horrible Arabic unless A) I'm drunk or B) it is someone who can't understand what I am saying in English. My friends try to get me to speak Arabic in front of other people who don't believe I understand Arabic: They usually say something in Arabic and then I respond in English just because I don't want someone to make fun of me behind my back later. "Oh, she THINKS she knows Arabic, but did you hear how terrible her accent was?" You know - kind of like I just did in trashing the Kuwaiti-wannabe-trailer-trash girls. ha ha. Poor trailer trash girls. Go back to your Brittany tape, honey. It's okay.

Coffee at my job sucks. When did Nescafe become "American Coffee"? Sheeet - we don't even have our own coffee: It is all Columbian. Besides, to set the record straight: Nescafe is manufactured in Europe. (I had a huge argument with a Sri Lankan farraj when I first got to Kuwait about it - he probably spit in my cup for the next 2 years.) We don't drink it in the States (that I am aware of). If we do, I have never seen it in the Giant. Perhaps they sell it in Shoppers. Dunno. Not my problem. I drink Dunkin Donuts coffee or Chock Full O'Nuts when I am in the States. Anyhoo, Nescafe hurts my tummy, but of course I drink it at work because A) I am too lazy to bring in or make my own coffee, and B) I really need the caffeine.

Dr. 90210 had an episode last night with a woman who had 4 breasts. Damn... 4!!!! I have trouble with the 2 I have. Hey - do you want to know Victoria's Secret? It is that her underwires break in the middle of your workday, leaving a mean little thing under your breast to poke and scratch at you all day until you can make it painfully home to change. (It isn't like we keep a spare around, you know?) Ouch! This is the 3rd one that it has happened with. Why do I keep buying them at $40 each? For the same reason that I wear teeny tiny heels on my shoes: Cause they are cute.

I have been forced to watch Dr. 90210 since Anna Nicole is no longer on E. WHY E, WHYYYYYY? Watching Anna Nicole is like watching a car accident: It is awful, but you just can't turn your eyes away. You kind of want to know what will happen next. Did you know that her diet pills (TrimSpa) cost around $200 (2 bottles of stuff) That will last only several months? I know because I want to loose all the weight she did. I'm not saying that it will make me cute, but it will help. I just don't want to loose my butt because everyone knows that a big butt is very important in Kuwaiti society. Kuwait is the Puerto Rico of the Arab world.

Okay, so I did indeed find some stuff to bitch about today. Latah.

I Miss My Mommy

I always miss my mom, but especially around Christmas.

I'm bored. I'm bored at work. I'm bored at home. I'm bored out with my friends. I'm bored in the car. Are you bored? Maybe I should buy a phone with bluetooth. I've heard that's exciting. I'm not much into phone technology, however. I find meeting stupid men easy enough.

Either Dying or Killing...

A former colleague died of cancer over the weekend. He was diagnosed only a few months before he passed away. He made friends and mistakes as we all do. Here is what I don't get: the management of the company did nothing in his memory. The day after people found out about it (3 days after his death) and were rightfully in the grief process; the management told the staff, "Stop crying now. It is done."

Do people not GET IT? Has the world become so complacent that people just don't care about eachother anymore? Don't they understand that if they treat people that way, that it will only come back around to get them in the end?I don't work there anymore, but I offered to arrange a small memorial service where his friends could attend and just say a few kind words about the guy. It helps as a form of closure in the grief process.

The time to do it isn't a month from now, but now. Why don't people care? The response I got was, "not now." Okay - WHEN? I only hope that if (God forbid) anything ever happens to me, that people would remember me differently. That just sucks.

Speaking of sucking - I went to see my lawyer last night who has been following my car accident case for the past year and a half. Yes people - that is how long it takes if someone hits you and their insurance doesn't pay the total cost of fixing your car and you decide to sue. My lawyerman told me that it might take up to 3 years to see any results. The kid who hit me was chasing a young lady on an illegal U turn through a red light. He was driving a rental jeep. I later found out that he is a drug user and crashes cars, so now rents. A real outstanding member of society. Once I win my case, I'm going to publish all the dirt on him. My lawyer tells me every single time that I see him that I am gaining weight.

Men, I have some advice: them are fighting words. This, coming from a man who is graying and balding and could stand to lose about 40 kilos (not pounds). If ya aint George Clooney, you shouldn't dish criticism. I'm going to have a good day. I swear.